thoughts from non-sleep

this was from maybe 5 days ago when i was in japan. i couldnt sleep so i wrote this. there was a second entry that i thought wasnt a nice read and was more like a diary entry so i left it out here.

tokyo

my eyes open again. i look but i dont see, the light enters from the window and turns against the ceiling, and i close my eyes again. my pupils had contracted and it will take a while for them to relax and fade from presence again. again, presence of this thought, the engine of a car runs past my ears. where is it going? growling through the sleeping city. someone rushing to the hospital to see their dying mother? but hospitals dont accept admissions at this hour. someones respirator had prolly been shut off tonight. someones final exhalation, someone expired in a hospital bed. then i realized i was thinking and not listening again, only hearing, possibly another car rushed past.

i think about a song i had listened to earlier in the day, the plangent voice of a woman trapped in an echo chamber like a canary.

below a small car makes a turn around the corner, tautly turning time, the hour of night deepening. i never remember these thoughts just before i sleep, and most people dont. the separation of imagination from thought weakens when perception leaves and ur enmeshed in ur own self whoever that might be. one of the only nights where ive slept under a dark sky.