Dear Nathan

i used to talk to you even though i was alone, where i could hear you voice, i could make you talking back to me, i could smell you. it was easier when i just imagined you. it feels like you truly see me just like the way you first talked to me even though you were afraid back at school. but the first time you ever tried to end this, Twas the time i just know that you were never there anymore. you looked at me but you didnt see me. just know that when i first saw you with that fluttering lips because you were afraid to talk to me was the time i was hoping for all kinds of things. i was hoping to show you that i am your lover. and that was real. that was love. and you showed me i was. for a very short period of time. but the biggest thing i hoped for, cant come true. i know that now i cant stay with you, i cant ever heal up what happened. just the way it is. i cant even hardly remember what happened. its like a gap. and it left me alone in the way that i havent gotten over. it was always me that never give up. too bad i didnt realized that sooner. then it kept getting worse. but i never change my way of showing up my strength. i was always the one that started everything. that started talking, playing, hearing, helping, or even asked you to go on a date. i didnt really mad about that, because when everyone wants to change each other, me there as the time goes on i just getting more used to it. and live with it. its your thing. i cant ever change you. just know that i was so good for keeping up with your behavior, your promises, your unhealthiness, your energy, your woman thing. i was good for keeping up with those girls youve been talking to. i was good i was really good. for choosing us over my selfishness. i was always been like that. you taught me loneliness when we were even together. so now i could easily forget you. you are no more here in my thoughts floating around giving me sadness to live with. i was good, i was really good.