for me and my mental health

Hey , 

idk why people treat me like I'm weak. It's always "for me and my mental health" that they leave. Those days have been horrible , as always. It's getting harder and harder and I realised... I'm ending up really alone. I talked to almost no one today. I fear that I'll end up dead at the end of the day because of this loneliness. When I'm not distracted I feel my heart hurts but physically. Makes me feel like I'm dying. I think nobody read this , my blogs are a cry for help or a cry for another man to take advantage of me. I'm a perfect target. I begged again someone to not leave me , my "best friend. It's funny how people lie to you to not hurt you. Am I a weak deer ? He said he love me (in a friendly way) , it made me so happy and now he left. It's quiet. I try to watch some movies , to draw or to just sing and dance alone at home but I turned crazy. I thought again about R yesterday... I hope he's okay. I wanna be hugged or fucked or maybe raped at this point. I just wanna feel loved for a sec. My parents make me wanna scream and run away. I'm a ghost for them anyway... My mom prefer my two older sisters. "The youngest is the favorite" well guess not. 

I'm a bimbo. I sometimes feel like my purpose is to serve and satisfy any weirdos. My mind is fucked up. R would probably say "show more respect to yourself". Did he respect me when he used me for his own happiness ?? And I still miss him... I miss everyone who leave... Even the worst ones. Anyway , if someone read this please take care of you <3