random

Need to go to bed soon bc I have to go to lab super early xmx

also theyre taking my picture tmr so im prob gonna put on some makeup blehh and ig maybe wear nicer clothes?? but yk how it is. u dont want to look too flashy but also want to look gud heheh idrk what im gonna wear but wueva

theres been stuff on my mind sooo...i kinda just want to dump it out

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What would younger me think of me?

Well it depends on how young. I think elementary school me?? I think they'd like me. I think I mainly cared ab art at the time, and well I do feel like I've gotten better than before!

Middle school me??? Idk. They might think I'm weird maybe?? Maybe they'll be surprised I turned out kinda fine...??????.?.?.?

High school freshman me, probably proud of me. Maybe slightly questioning some parts of my lifestyle but overall proud of me

Soph/Jun: idk. prob proud bc i got into good school

Senior: probably amazed 

Young James and Mr. Ramsey

In the beginning of To The Lighthouse, there's this whole little section about how young James (I think he's like 7) wants to stab his Dad with a knife for not letting him go to the lighthouse. It's a very memorable moment in the book I think because it's literally on like the first page of the book and the content could feel a bit morbid. But I honestly feel like it's such a good representation of a youthful mind. And also lowk relatable! I love any character who also hate their dad tbh. 

But yeah I love that little segment. And I love Cam and James in general and their whole "little pact" going on in part 3. Sorta reminds me of me and my brother.

I just like how James is able to sort of see himself in a duality? Like he sees the younger version of himself still breathing inside of him when he reflects on his relationship to his dad, and also his relationship to the lighthouse. 

Everyday I want to grow more mature and adult-like, but I also get deeply saddened whenever I feel like I lost a magical piece of character from childhood. Like curiosity, being bored, being super creative, any kind of whimsy honestly, etc. And I just liked how James was able to recuperate himself...and feel adultish and kiddish at the same time..!!

idk.idk how to rlly describe it rn. But I think I just have a lot of kid traits left fs...and I think for the most part it's smth to celebrate....never lose whimsy yk..all that stuff. belelkhjkb

Devin is gay!!!!

Wowowoww!!! The fact just brought a pleasant rush of joy in my heart! Sorry but i have a bias for queer ppl and idrgaf

Radiohead - I Wish I was (Bulletproof)

Ugh. So good. Also CDs are so fucking awesome. WOW the sound quality is so amazing im feel like the sounds r being sent down my organs and im shitting it out. sorry thats a weird way to describe it. This particular song reminds me a lot of death stranding......gotta play again....and omg black star is the next song after this and it just started playing.....i love black star...lowk figured out way later what the song was actually ab. I thought it was ab the world ending lolz. Still great song though.

My brother

less pissed off ab him bc today was a good day 4 me ^_^ Also he made mac and cheese after I told him I didn't have dinner! thank u! Well he still made me do the dishes though. ssibal. and he lowk needs to stop vaping and doomscrolling. fucking addict brah gtfo

Chloe and Josie graduated

WHATTT!!!! crazy.....what the ssibal! so proud of them

Kokomi

WOwowow she gave me the advice to have confidence to ask ppl out for lunch bc everyone in college is always on the look out to make new friends and I was so..!! idk its just that fact that it was her who said it w her specific tone. It was such a boost in my confidence

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plan for tmr

• make lunch...idk what side dish to make hm and also it cant go bad..i mean i can just work w marinated egg...and maybe I'll shove in some veggies somewhere. Also need to pack water. prob clean plastic bottle out and fill w water
• maybe have some coffee
• makeup....clothes...hair.....
• aalso......i should work on being more spatially aware

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pride month plans brainstorming

• ummmm go to pride parade! june 28th..maybe w sophie??????????idk
• do a drawing
• queer films.....
• pride month blog.....smth smth.....

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im sleepy so my head is not functioning as well as I would like it to erg..im gonna bed