new beginnings

entering a new relationship after going through dozens of years of horrid experiences is a surreal feeling. have you ever experienced that?

i used to expect to not be asked consent for anything, from the use of my property to experiencing contact with my body. i never used to expect my personal boundaries to be respected, at least not without some sort of resistance. having my boundaries not only listened to, but validated, is an entirely new experience for someone who's used to being wanted for her body.

i don't recall the last time i've experienced someone so trusting and secure. i'm not being demanded to show my outfit before i go out, and i'm not being belittled or interrogated every other day. it feels good. safe. i don't feel like i need to put walls up anymore.

in past relationships, i've had to fight to feel central. to feel wanted, to feel equal. this is maybe one of the first times where i haven't felt the need to create a disruption to call attention to that issue, or adopt some form of escapism because of the way i'm being treated. it feels strange, to be honest. and i'm sure that i'll eventually have to face a personal demon relating to that. but for now... it feels good.