Entry #116

im searching for jobs right now. both online and in person. i honestly dont have much hope for in person honestly, but i might as well look anyway since my entire family AND my friends wont stop bitching about it. they act like its easy to get a job when i literally do not have a reliable way to get to a job, let alone have the qualities a lot of jobs nearby want. i know i sound like a fat incel when i say that though, so ill look for a job anyways. ill probably try to get my ged while im at it. but i say that every time and never try. oh well. i need to go to the library today. im glad ive been going to the library again. ive been thinking about my ex a lot recently again. i miss him a lot. ive recently came to accept the fact i will never find love again. it doesnt matter anyways. i only ever needed myself. ive been thinking about enlisting into the military. i havent really talked to anyone about it, and i honestly doubt theyd let me in, but its something im interested in. my family keeps bugging me to get into college as well, but i honestly just dont care enough to. i want to waste my life away at this point. but i know i cant, so ill probably try to get into college later. if i cant live for myself, i might as well live for others. i bleached my hair as well i forgot to mention, i really like it. but i dont know what ill do with it, ive been thinking about dying it blue. but im not sure right now. am i ever sure though? oh well, tomorrow is another day.