goodbye forever

I am completely and utterly in love with just about everything there is about you. I couldn't count them on my fingers. I could try to make a bullet point list, I would run out of page. 

I'm completely and utterly a victim to everything you say. Everything you do. Does it burden you? Why am I getting deja vu writing this

I hate the way you make me feel. And I hate the way you know what I love about myself, and you drag it through the mud. You make yourself superior to every word I dare to speak and frankly I don't know where I start and you begin.

Where do I end? Where do you begin?

I'm writing this as an oath to myself, not you. I am not writing love letters about you any longer. 

You are every dream I lost and never found. You are every daydream I wanted to breathe into reality, you are a literal walking wish come true. I had you in the palm in my hands, and you spat in them.

From now on. 

From now on.

From now on.

From now on I am going to enjoy myself more than the thought of you. I am going to enjoy the thought of me with someone else. Someone who wants to laugh with me as much I as I want to laugh. Someone who wants to look at me as much as I want to look at myself.

You will always have a part of me, you will always be the name I dare not whisper into existence. 

I will not forget this feeling. And I will not forget this pain. I will not forget what you did to me, and how you made me the happiest girl that has ever existed on this planet. 

I will not forget the way you looked at me in disgust once you saw every ounce of me there was to give.

For I am greater. I am greater than the skin on your fingers, and the burning sensation in your chest when you know you will never get out of bed again.

I am someone to be greeted when walked into a room. To be spoken to when looked at.

I am not a secret. I am not a regret, I am not a mistake. 

This is for me. This is my goodbye. 
I love you. So fucking much. That I hate knowing I ever fell victim to someone like you.

Tomorrow is a new day. I will scream back at my co-worker when she bullies me, and I will take my mistakes in pride. I will not cower, I will not believe the sour words.

I will prevail. And you will not be there to see it.