i’ve been meaning to talk to you

i haven’t been on in quite a long time because i haven’t really had any issues. perhaps i wasn’t looking for them, but now i think that having some issues in life makes me feel real. this need for trouble has had me off and on my medication. obviously it isn’t a good idea and as much as i’d like to play it off as stupid and some silly thing i did, i know what im doing. i don’t feel bad for not taking them, its just the way things are with me i guess. never logical—sometimes at least, LOL. i’m bored, very bored. it feels ungrateful to say because i’ve got the sweetest—most goody two shoe—friends i could ever ask for and of course i love care for them quite a lot, i’m bored. it feels wrong to be so bored but truly i am. im sick of doing such mundane things and boring things in my life and there’s nothing to do in this stupid town. i’m stuck on such a tight leash and it’s choking me out until my face is blue. i’ve gotten so bored and so unwell that i’ve started smoking. it’s nothing glamorous, i don’t think it is at least. it just feels good. my neighbor hid the cigarettes tho so no smokes for me i guess.