the concept of love

love. its something i. like. never really bothered to think about THAT much.

but it was kinda weird, considering back then (and still kinda am...) i was those girls that had a friend group of all guys. and i would get shipped with practically all of them. pisses me off.

i have this one friend who apparently had a crush on me from elementary to high school....and. i never really realized it. guess i was oblivious, haha.

it scares me.

knowing me, i would be a terrible partner. im already not a good friend. ill probably..i dunno, flake out on meetups or some shit.

love is weird. sometimes my friends would practically stick by my side, even when i try to rush out of the cafeteria to have some quiet time. and i never said anything about it. since. you know, it's kinda rude to do that.

but then its like, a little part of me whispers, 'would be funny if they also had a crush on you' and i have to slap it and go, 'dude, some people could just hang out with others without crushes get your mind out the FUCKING gutter'

i gave that guy a friendship bracelet, btw.

the one who had a crush on me. he actually asked me out a few months back.

we kissed too. i dont know why i told him to do that. i guess i was excited and hopeful. i probably knew ill never have a chance to kiss someone again.

btw its gross i dont know why people do it.

love is a lot better when its just in your head or something.

we didnt even date. i said yes and i chickened out a few hours later. and then our friendship turned sour and i overthinked and i constantly blamed myself and i apologized and he apologized

and then we hanged out in spring break

im just still worried he still has a crush on me

maybe i gave that friendship bracelet on purpose. like im trying to make him like me. maybe i just like the attention, even tho i shouldnt. cuz i just hurt ppl.

love is a mess.

a giant ball of yarn that i REALLY hope ill never need to untangle

id rather take my love to the grave than have the possiblity of faiing

the concept of one night flings feels easier to me than dating.

maybe im just too influenced by my sister with the idea of dating

'people are like clothes, you got to switch them out every once and a while'

...yeaaaaah. im never bothering to figure out my feelings with that

bleh

- 🧿 / 🍀 / 🕹️