dream life? and some other thoughts

before i write away ig some notes on today

4/25/26

mostly nothing bc i felt pretty crummy after waking up! did take a 2.5mg pill and was buzzing around for a bit.. tried a restaurant that i have a pikmin postcard of (lox bagels + clam chowder! yum yum) + got molly tea! basically did not much besides watch random vids.. hmm i just watched a lot of kpop mvs while kinda buzzed and it was good 

went to library afterwards. tried these new shoes on (that i got A LONG TIME AGO for free) i love love them but i have been not because they are freaking mary jane's!!! wow they are so fucking cute but for the love of god i do not have anything in my wardrobe that i could style it w. 

but i found a hack where i could wear long baggy pants and make them look like boots! with the plus of me still looking extra tall bc they have quite the platforms

anyways i felt fucking awesome. bc i also did my makeup too.wowow im gonna try to wear them more often!

at library honestly did not do much. i wrote a bit for my assignment! happy w progress since im mainly worried ab that anyways. me n my friend were trying to eat a sandwich mid session but it was so funny trying to not make the bag make sound

it was cold coming back so i locked arms w 3 of my friends omg haha it was so funny

then i took a shower, did a face mask, cleaned my room a bit, brewed some teeth and took a few puffs and now im here! 

I watched a yt vid before showering of this 22 yr old girl talking ab how she lives in this dead town but she still believes that she could live her dream life if she tried enough idk it was just super cute. and that made me ponder ab my what my dream life is which is literally the perfect shower thought and now im here!

like ya i do just want to be more happy in general. itsnt that obvious!!!!1

wow i feel like im gonna shoot through the roof holy shit haha

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i have had some sort of idea for a dream for a while? i think? or maybe thats just recently, but either way I have always hated the term "fake it till you make it" bc like. i just thought it was the worst advice to me at least bc i didnt like the term "fake" it. like i just thought that was such an unbelievably hard task that I thought it was stupid. Bc i just felt like if u r able to force urself to fake it, it means ur not faking it <- was my thought process

the term/phrase i prefer over that is probably...honestly idk but who gaf. the point is that i dont like "fake it till you make it"

anyways. and the reason why im mentioning that i hate that phrase is bc i really wanted to write ab my dream life in a way that feels attainable enough that i could "believe" in it instead of "faking" it

idrk how to describe my dream life. Feels like some parts of it are specific and some parts are vague

1. Leisurely mornings with no screen. idk what my morning routine would specifically look like but i just wish it was more relaxing. 
2. Cold showers in the morning. i like cold showers but the specific cold shower i give myself is w like. not the most freezing water so.
3. nice breakfast w coffee + drawing time after in the morning
4. just leisure in general. low cortisol level
5. busy but in a chill way, no complaints ab work. Ideally have a slightly less than average to average amount of work that i work on at a walking pace
6. smiley, gets along w ppl but also spends a good chunk of independent recreational time
7. GREAT skin and healthy body in general
8. appreciates nature often

^uhh smth like that. yeah i just want leisure i feel like that just defines it all.

id really like to get closer to this sort of vibe that i dream ab

i want to try to have nice leisurely meetings and id also like to wake up at least 2 hrs before every class to do smth outside while waiting. like drinking coffee while basking in sunlight. aggh....i also want to work on my website more. also want to make better eye contact and call out ppl's names when i see them. id also like to wear makeup outside more often! i rlly like the feeling, i just get glazy like 95% of the time. i want to look my best tho! id like to draw more...id like to listen to my cd player more, id like to journal/reflect more...stuff like that. yeah id def like to be outside to bum out more so then bum out sitting on my ass in my room

and also smoke weed but in a more chill leisurecore way 

ig always just being more intentional but at the same time dgaf...literally like...lowk the type of person i become when i get high

aghjjfgjh i got to fucking lay down. idkw hen im gonna wake up tmr but i want to try some of these stuff

ook bye