Death, and the lack thereof.

I do not even know how to start this entry. I have no direct way to begin this other than, well
This earth has nothing to offer for me anymore.

Everything in this world has been created to eventually rot. Yet, it is thanks to medical advances that DEATH has become easier to avoid these days. LIFE is easier therefore easier to maintain, to upkeep an organism makes sense to the common homo sapiens, who reflects his hopes, dreams and ambitions upon this earth. Everyone believes that this earth throws out dangers and hazards - poison, disease, murder and fatal accidents, are just another thing out there in this world that just exist, that are just there, and you need to look out for them. Uninitiated one, I must tell you that they are wrong grey-faced machines that exist to grind.

When this universe was created, matter and antimatter were spread, however so much was lost during the blink of one's eye, as so much cancelled each other out. LIFE has overruled the DEATH that was meant to be born in equal amounts, allowing all that we perceive to exist. However, not all the DEATH was destroyed by the LIFE - it is everywhere we look. Every human is born with the gift to live, growing up to believe that they can climb the highest mountain. Little do they know, they are deteriorating, and their chance at living is evaporating by the second. We might live, but are dying, slowly. DEATH is not sudden; it is a slow deterioration of the senses, getting weaker and weaker by the second. With every beat of the heart, the eternal drum, your torment gets dragged out further and further. This is not enough however. It is thanks to the medical advancements of the 1800s, and especially the 1900s, where LIFE has become more and more abundant. It was then, that DEATH sought to correct it. The AIDS-Epidemic, global warming, 9/11, the war on terror, the Chinese genocide,--- think about all the shit that happened in the past 30-ish years, how much death and destruction has swept across the globe like a plague, much like the current one. It is DEATH that wants to reclaim the world, apply the balance between LIFE and DEATH. If all else fails, we might still have 99942 Apophis as a potential saving grace. 

So, what does this all mean for me? Well, this earth has nothing to offer for me anymore. Any potential for a salvation is squandered. I am only still alive because I have friends that I do not want to disappoint. But if it were not for my faraway friends in America, my Polish friend and an old pal I do not see too often, I would already have tucked myself neatly into bed, and placed a 9x19 mm bullet into my noggin. I cannot express how much I have considered taking matters into my own hands to restore the balance. Everything is so cold.

I just want to be happy. Why must I be a walking corpse? I am lost. I am waiting for DEATH.