its been a while since last update?

being stood up when this was my last opportunity to see you in what has felt like months, in reality- weeks, hurt more than i might be willing to admit. i waited at that train station like a lost puppy sitting out in the chilling cold for hours, hoping you’d be just as excited to see me. you never came. never even gave me a heads-up about the cancellation. a simple “got held up” was sufficient for you. your heart is colder than mine, i just wish i saw it sooner, i’d at least spared myself the decency of not getting attached to your every word. 

im holding the lighter to burn the bridge between us, and i cant bring myself to ignite the flames, repeating “i’ll only go one more time”, so when i cross over to see you why am i still surprised you’re not there waiting?

its been months of back and forth so i can only imagine how bored you must be by now, not like we were anything significant, just the late-nights got me thinking i was more than a pastime, more than an afterthought for company. i was wrong in many ways about what i thought i meant to you- for closure i’ll say we aren’t all capable of reading beneath people’s masks. a year ago i promised i would move on because everything about my clinging to you was unhealthy- i was never reliant with keeping promises, should’ve predicted i wouldn’t keep mine true. 

at least i can say i was right in the end, you did get tired- of me or of life, i can’t determine because you never tell me as much as i’ve told you. using borrowed words i’m sure you’d recognise, i’m a better (re)actor than you’ve ever seen.