When will i finally experience the joy of death

I hate myself, I shouldn't have lived for so long I should've killed myself or died in 2024 this isn't worth it anymore, 2024 is the last time that I was genuinely happy for more than 2 hours why am I still here i could've just killed myself dude. If I killed myself in 2024 then I wouldn't have to experience today, everyone would just move on and Id be forgotten by useless people that don't matter to me and I wouldn't be poisoning everyone's lives with my existence