Neutral Side Of Me - uphill climb or weird normal?

I feel okay. And that's weird.

I feel like an NPC, bobbing from moment to moment without agency

Is it bad that I like that? I don't mind moments of mindlessness. Being mindful is tiring! It's almost a relief for me to feel nothing. I don't feel happy or sad, but I'm okay.

It's probably because, being bipolar and BPD, I feel so many emotions and they are all so strong. Instead of getting bugged by something, I feel a whole body anger. It's super tiring

Maybe I'll go up from here, maybe I'll go back down, but I'm okay with this

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