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So quite a bit happened since I last posted and someone commented and gave me very words to my feelings thank you.

 But I think my self help work is fading and sister is makeing it worse without her knowing.
One night My 2 sisters, ones boyfriend, and me were drinking and it was nice but my younger sister always has to start asking questions and it got kinda deep and I just kept drinking and I confessed that I have wanted to Unalive my self before and how. I didn't really remember what happened but I thought 2 of them were drunk and didn't remember apparently they all remember and ya. When I found that out I wanted to post on here like what should I do or questions my existence but I didn't. 
They didn't bring it up again in anyway. My younger sister has been diagnosed with an E.D recently and it's been tough. I try to be there but and I always think this with her mental health I think it's has to do with wanting attention not like she is conceded but with her issues it would make sense why because her (Bio) mom not my mom wasn't all that loving I believe there mom was some sort of narcissist with other problems. Where she takes what is wrong with her and kind of puts it in your face and I know that sounds shitty. But for example we worked together kind of we worked in different departments but her and others would come to my department to help and one day something about eating came up and out of know where she was just like "i have an eatingproblem" this was befor she was diagnosed and I know people joke around as a coping mechanism but the way she said it sounded like she wanted some to have pitty on her or something but nothing happened the conversation went in. I have said befor I also have eating Problems/bad relationship with food
But I haven't told anyone I want to but idk. She was also diagnosed with depression and earlier today we were talking about chores we are gonna start doing around the house we have a chart and one of the chourse is to clean the a room in her case her room and befor when we were just talking about how to do it and getting the chart stuff she would say what about my depression episodes. And when she saw the chart have it we were all looking at it she said out loud what if im having a depression episode and our other sisters boyfriend said stop using that as an excuse. It sounds harsh but this is want I mean she brings up what's wrong with her in the most wrong times. Also in the same day after that scenario we started taking about something and again she brought up her e.d and said "you guys dont have eating problems" I said I have eating problems you just aren't aware of them but I doubt anyone heard that at least I hope. After that I think it agitated me so I stared picking on her and messing with her. Another example after being diagnosed she as lost a bit of weight visable in her clothes and its not like she's  consured or trying to get better even with help which she has. She walkes around like look how bony my hip is know and making them feel it. She did that to me told me that and and told me to feel it I said no because 1. I agitated me that she was walk around doing that 2. I wanted to cry because of what I started thinking, she then grabbed my hand to feel her hip and I was trying to pull away she was like just feel it do I elbowed her in the hip bone. I don't feel bad,  and someone might say just tell her because we both have the same problem she is just diagnosed and no I will not because she will be "concerned" with me and I don't want that not with they I know she is. And my sister, her boyfriend , and my mom don't make it better they just make it worst by doing the wrong things I'm no psychologist but they are not going by it in the right way. I just want help myself I do t know what to do anymore with helping her and helping myself 

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