legally mandated update

ever since i've gotten more into the flow of my new routine, it's been difficult to make a life update. it's been way too busy for any of that.

i suppose i can start with my financial situation. obviously, it has gotten a lot worse. however, i'm signing myself up for scholarships and collecting crochet patterns to sell items, hopefully with some customers eventually. 

when it comes to my routine, i've been doing choir often despite not having as much time. it's good to put some effort into myself again. i've also been going to the gym again in the evenings. i don't feel pretty anymore, and i'd really love to feel that way about myself again. 

i started smudging regularly. there's a space for it in my university's dorm, and i was taught at my practicum as spiritual healing is one of the main values there. i've found it to be relaxing and grounding.

now onto the big thing. i had a pretty big fight with my father recently, the last time i went home. it all started with a couple of jokes, and then all of a sudden my mother and i were being cussed out. apparently, we didn't appreciate my father enough, even though we were dishing it back to him. i expressed to him that i wouldn't have known what our jokes made him feel, and that i needed him to communicate his needs to me instead of being silent and lashing out when asked why he was being silent. i didn't and don't deserve that treatment. i especially do not deserve to be yelled at like a child, told to "sit the f*ck down" and that i "have no clue how to communicate", or to be cursed out when i request time alone and space. him and i both know that, yet i still unfortunately see that pattern in my life. dad's since apologized and gets extremely emotional about his relationship with me since then. i don't know how to facilitate it, honestly. it shouldn't have happened. i shouldn't have experienced such language from my own family, and he and i both know it. but this is the first time something like this has happened. i don't exactly know where to go from here.

thanks for listening to my tedtalk. i obviously have some things that require a little bit of working through on my own, but it's nice to feel heard too.