i always say im trying but im not

i could say ive been trying. 

trying to get my work done. trying to get back to people. trying to "be better," whatever that might mean.

i dont think i really try, though.

i try to get myself to think about trying.

and then its too much work. and im too tired.

i miss the deadline. i miss the call. i fall back into old habits.

"im trying"

but im really not.

im dragging my feet.