#83 - CANALS

Something I find extremely ironic is that strict parents seem to think that forcing discipline will make the children disciplined; but it does quite the opposite, due to a simple yet fundamental misunderstanding of the human psyche. I have had this hunch for a while, but I never found the exact causal link until now.

So imagine you have a baby, right? What does a baby do when it needs something? It cries, praying that someone will save it. Considering you're alive right now, that strategy had to have worked for a certain amount of time, no?

So then, what would happen if instead of sating your woes through their loving assistance, they instead slapped you and told you to man up? You die. So what happens when we shift to this instead when we are able to support ourselves to some degree?

Though your bodily functions continue, your heart has 7, no maybe 8 holes inside of it. You learn that if you fail, you don't deserve love. So the logical next step? Hide failure. Everything has to be a secret now, since you don't know what else will hurt you next.

The truth is, children are not military privates. They, nay WE are lost souls thrown into this world seeking to survive at any cost. And I truly mean at any cost... I once had to go a whole day without food, maybe even two actually, my childhood memories have all become a blur at this point.

But though I remember not the specifics of the events, I remember one thing clearly: the emotions; in particular, the grueling agony of trying to walk when my stomach stabbed at my innards, my legs quaking as I forced myself to walk another mile, and the intense, visceral feeling to survive at any cost no matter what.

And do you wanna know why I went through all of that? Because I ran away from home. You wanna know why I ran away from home? Because I was afraid of getting beaten, losing sleep, losing everything that comforted me, losing even some food, it all felt like I was losing everything! And for what? Because I didn't wanna do some extra school work on a Saturday? Get real.

God, I know I shouldn't vent, but misery seems to REALLY love company it seems, or at least it feels so good to see my pain tangible, ahh it all goes back to Entry 72!.. Though now that I mention it, crazy how THAT is my most popular entry despite it being the most self-centred one.

Gah, maybe people don't really care that much about listening to people complain, but I really can't help but want to be a better person, because I've been conditioned from the womb due to this unnecessary cruelty that I can never be loved for who I am!

Pardon this absentminded fool, let's get back on topic. So what is the proper way to raise someone then? Well, I'm not exactly sure there's a one size fits all solution or anything, but based on what I've seen... You just gotta chill out. Like seriously.

I mean, knowing how intensely neurotic my mother is, especially after my father's demise, it's no wonder that the result is a strict helicopter parent. Actually, now that I think about it, pretty much all big parenting problems are the result of too much anxiety for the future of the children and thus not respecting their agency as individuals.

In fact, you can see this irony of "trying makes it harder to get what you want" occur so often in many other aspects in life, I guess Laozi was right about the whole Wu Wei thing all along lol. If you tightly clench your first in a river, there is no water in your palm; but if your fingers up and relax those muscles, the waves take their course and the palm is now totally wet.

Everything has it's own flow in life. Though you may not see eye to eye with your children, you must understand that that won't change their essence of being. You are who you are. Instead of forcing the river to flow in the opposite direction, dig another route for it to take course in. 

Everything in life has it's own innate, unique beauty; so instead of trying to snuff it out, let it flourish. And you know, I'm rather confident in this belief because we live in the best of all worlds, and that is absolutely certain because...

NIHIL EST SINE RATIONE