the only way (the urge continues)

threres gotta be someone.

like, ONE OTHER PERSON OUT THERE who feels this way too.

like i can't get off because it's all i have. like i don't know how to put these things away, and when i try i just come back to them. because of some like fomo or something.

these social medias and what nots. 

i need to get offline. for like ever lmao.

but thats not gonna happen until i DIE.

i seriously dont know how to get offline because i seriously have no self discipline. the reminder of my limited time and the fact i could literally dropped dead any moment doesn't work because i can just go to my daydreams and forget everything about humanity until i am reminded of it again and then i leave it again and you get it. its a cycle. its either my daydreams or its social media. either way i am kinda fucking doomed lmao. 

i dont do anything anymore. everything. EVERYTHING is a task. nothing happens naturally anymore. its nearly impossible to get myself to draw without some fucking video in the backgrund or something. or just in general i cant fucking finish any of my art anymore ive been up wip after wip for fucking months now im fucking sick of it. i fantasize about all the things i want to make and do instead of fucking making and doing them.

nothing is enough to get me out of here.

i'm stuck.

stuck in this weird self sabotage cycle.

if i got offline i'd just find a way back on.

the only way for me to get offline is if i destroyed all my devices and never got new ones. 

but i cant do that. i use those to draw. 

draw what?

YOU NEVER FUCKING FINISH ANYTHING ANYMORE YOU FUCKING WORTHLESS PIECE OF SHIT.

uuuuuugh.

if i get offline instead of scrolling humanity away i would just daydream it away. my brain will never stop trying to find ways to get me out of here because it knows how much i dont wan to be here.

in my daydreams, i can observe what i want and i dont exist. why would i want anything other than that? i control everything and i'm not even there. it's the perfect existence.

one where i'm not there and i can't feel this way anymore because i don't exist. it's perfect!

is this helping? nope.