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my goat judith butler said 'gender is a performance' and its what i've mostly thought about today. i often overthink the clothes i wear, the jewelry i accessorize with, and the ways my hair ends up when i leave my house. im constantly thinking about the way i want to present my gender and it is often at odds with how other people percieve my gender. i find gender and the way people can perform it in different ways to mean different things so interesting, the same outfit could mean fifteen different things to fifteen different people.
if you do, how do you change up your performance of gender?
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medusoide fungico
when i stop worrying about how people see me, i stop caring about my pronouns and my way to dress and decorage my body. as long as i feel comfortable wearing what i wear, expressing myself as i want to express, and get along with people i (mostly) agree, i don't mind being treated as he or she or they. i know who i am despite how others treat me or call me.
the only non-binarism i identified to is the human-nature dialectic, i already swim and float on the spectrum between masculine and femenine
this is so beautiful! i admire how you are able to seperate your identity from how you are percieved, i definitely struggle with conforming. do you have any advice on getting more confident with defying those expectations?
by nishcore; ; Report
hmmm. I started to feel more confident since I started going to psychologists. The first helped me a lot to strengthen who I am and to mark myself as someone interdependent on others. my actual psychologist helps me find things that I don't quite understand about what I do or what happens to me.
In that journey among psychologists I realized that what they say is true: when people talk about others, they talk more about themselves than about others. It is difficult to separate what oneself thinks about others from what others really are. I can say something about who I think you are, but my thoughts do not define you. what i say comes from me, from who i am.
By this I mean that what others say about you does not concern you so much, but rather it concerns who says those things. Sometimes what the others says is right, other times not so much. Sometimes we ask others to solve problems in their lives that we also have in ours, but we prefer to ignore them and demand that others fix them instead of ourselves in our lives.
A bit crude example but here it goes: a boy who dates many boys reproaches a girl who also dates many boys because she "looks for approval in men." This girl tells him that she disagrees with him because she is not looking for casual and fleeting encounters (he is), but rather for relatively long-lasting and intimate relationships. Only after that clarification does this friend recognize that he was projecting himself onto her. he talked more about himself than about her.
Everyone has their own problems and the important thing is that you distinguish yours from those of others, to what extent you have responsibility and what shares of responsibility correspond to others. It is quite difficult, because love and bonds require a certain confusion or fusion with the problems of one and the other, it is inevitable at a certain point. The vital thing is to avoid unnecessary damage between people and you.
by medusoide fungico; ; Report
Ghostetos
Since gender is simply a long established social norm that centres around a core idea of personality, I have to agree with you on gender being preformative. Thing that sucks with them is that ofc it puts you into a box, but it also becomes liberating to defy those expectations
society's conception of all people is to categorise them and place expectations on them, it is extremely liberation defying those odds! i love challenging myself when i catch myself placing heteronormative ideals on other people.
by nishcore; ; Report