Idk if someone think about me sometimes

Hey , 

idk why I'm alive. I'm very grateful of it but this life is empty. Idk if someone think about me sometimes. Maybe if something bad happen to me like self harm or attempt , someone would care. But I don't wanna hurt my family. I feel like a ghost. Since 11yo I wanna die , maybe that's why I feel like I should have been dead since a while. Maybe it's wrong. I wanna talk about it to a friend but I have to protect him. 

Mom , why am I so different from other people ? Am i too stupid ? I'm tired. Idk how to rest , maybe death is the key. My friend told me I SHOULD love myself. It's too hard. Breathing is too hard. Going to school is too hard. I don't even know why I'm sad.