Ruminating

Do you ever feel like something bad is about to happen so you wait and wait and wait until something inevitably goes wrong and then the relief of the anticipation being over washes over you

I never feel good. Or at least if I do, it’’s rare and fleeting. I spend most of my time either feeling bad or anticipating feeling bad. In my opinion feeling bad is better than the buildup, because when I’m not at my lowest, I just sort of feel nothing. 

The worst part is, I’m not even sure if feeling good is something I want. Dispair has become a sort of addiction, and I don’t know if I’m ready to live without it.