About my boyfriend (HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY) (update: we broke up)

As I type, I have my favorite playlist going so here in case y'all wanted it bc it's peak

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YHoQOj_VprQ

ANYWAYYYYY since it's finally February and I promised to write about my love life again, here it is. If y'all haven't read his blog yet, go check it out! 

https://blog.spacehey.com/entry?id=1997732

My past experiences with love were rocky to say the least. I've had crushes, obsessions, and somewhat awful relationships. Cheating, threats, stalking, and all that jazz. Some of the people I loved truly were nice, though one-sided or simply never began. To them, I wish the best. To my exes, I won't wish you death out loud, but I will never forgive. What do they all have in common though? I have never confessed. At least not to anyone that heard me or read my email.

After my "major heartbreak", as I put it in my first or third blog, I felt alone. Completely so. I hardly had friends to talk to, a hate for everything around me, and little motivation. Until graduation day, where I felt relief. Things felt as if they'd look up my way from then on, and I knew I could find happiness without love. I enjoyed those first few months of 2025. I made friends, went out, and did everything I said I would. I still struggle, but I managed to do it without a person to talk to. I can definitely do it all over again with people I care for this time.

I met good people. Among those people, my boyfriend, who I thought was mean at the time. I couldn't picture myself talking to him at all. He messaged me, though I didn't want to answer back, all for a group of matching pfps. In a gc we were both in, I slowly grew comfortable with those people, who I later called friends. All of us matching, talking about music or love.

I felt happy. I really was. One night however, I was drained. I wanted to reach out, to talk to anyone that would actually listen. I couldn't sleep, couldn't stop crying, and realized little by little just how awful my life was. Until I got a message. Despite still not liking this person, I answered. Eventually I told him my thoughts and how my life was at the time. Something I couldn't possibly tell anyone. I spilled my guts to him. Even though I regretted it immediately, it felt good to get it all out. Surprisingly, he didn't judge me. Instead, he offered comfort and seemed to care. I didn't even really try to talk to this person, and yet he listened. It was peaceful in that moment. He called me (much to my surprise because why call someone you barely know and I thought he was a she at the time lol) and we played a few games together until I felt better.

From then on, I came to know him as a good friend. We'd talk everyday, going on and on late into the night. Even when my latest crush had flopped, along with his own, we were there to comfort one another. Sometime in September, I realized I caught feelings. Or at least finally admitted they existed. At first, I loved it. Then I wanted them to die. If you read the last blogs on love, you'd get it. If not, basically he rejected me before I had the chance to confess. Totally stung.

I thought he wasn't yet over his crush. Not only that, but he had started talking to this other girl who had an interest in him. At that point, I was ready to give up. Long game failed, might as well root for the girl who has a crush on him, right? He went back and forth with his feelings. Liking the first, then starting to like the other. It felt as if he was leading them both on, and knowing how awful that feels, I told him. Honestly, I was also heated because of my own feelings, so it spiraled into an argument. It ended in silence. 

I tried to avoid conversation. Maybe if I avoided him long enough, those feelings would leave. The next day, he tried apologizing. I shut him down, telling him words I came to regret. In a last attempt to get him to hate me or at least stop talking to me, I said he was so much like my ex. The day after, he tried talking again. After a bit of back and forth, he asked if I liked him as more than a friend. Though I wanted to lie, I didn't. He said he liked me too, but had still developed feelings for the other girl when he thought I liked someone else. 

I encouraged him to give her his all. I was convinced she liked him. She was the first to confess, after all. However, he said she didn't. That there was a part of him she couldn't love. I still wonder if it was the right call, but I told him that I would. That I wanted to fight for him. Maybe not the sweetest love story, but certainly a story.

The next day, we were a couple. 

I'm not a very good girlfriend. We've argued, made up, and I'm still unsure of what the future will actually be like. I've known inconsistency all my life, so I still don't trust a lot of the people I've met. I hardly believe it when people say they'll stay or that they care. He treats me well despite my issues. Despite the past or what I say, he insists and reassures me that he loves me. Little by little, I trust him more. Maybe we won't see each other next Valentine's Day. Maybe he'll be the last one I love. I can't say for sure. But what I do know is that it's the first time I've actually wanted the person I'm dating. I wasn't pressured and I want a future with him. It could be nothing, but it could be everything. I want to look forward to that instead of expecting it to end. I love him.

This might be a lot to read, my bad. Hopefully appeasing for those looking to hear about love! If you're looking for sad heartbreak stories, sorry lol that one is months old. Always happy to give a shameless plug in though! Go check out those blogs muhihihi.

Happy Valentine's Day and happy Black History Month, lovely readers. I hope everyone can stay safe and enjoy time with their loved ones. No valentine? Wishing you a ton of yummy candy at least. As always, thank you for reading. I hope you all are warm, safe, and know how precious you are. Have a lovely day/night! <3