late

it is so late in the night and i have given every ounce of myself to these little Gods i have found deep inside all the boys that message me back in chatrooms i shouldnt know exist. i am completely hollowed by yesterday and last week and last month and last year and by all the eons of mistakes that went into putting my guilty and evil body in this chair at this laptop in the year 2026. i have found children yearning and pleading for salvation in these men. i have found a child inside of myself that knows only how to plead for forgiveness from people its never even crossed air with before. i am so defeated here in this chair. i m so destroyed. i am so alone. looking in the mirror praying that the face across from me says something i don't already know. that the simulation of a life worth living malfunctions for even a second so i can reach out desperately for a cord and just tear. rip. tear. rip. tear. rip. it all away. tear it to the ground. and stomp with these feet i havent moved in all the time ive known how to walk.