random

i asked u to love me and of course i knew that it was dumb. i felt the universe pushing back against my fingers as i typed it but i still did it because i am full of greed. u told me what u were scared of. u told me that u hadnt told other people some of the things that u had told me. u told me that i was special. that if things were a bit different that it could work. it doesnt matter what of that is really true. if what u gave me was 10 seconds - ill hold every one of those seconds in my arms beyond the amount of time that God gives His richest soul. i will give them all names and i will carry them across the infinite expanse of the universe and i will cry over their pain. 

our names are intertwined on the wall

of the tunnel i ride my bike to

they will be viewed without knowing

how hard it was for You

to find that instead of being a world

i was just a matchstick

and that i was searching for stars in a cave

when i asked if You could love me

of course You did not have eternity in Your heart

for a girl that can't be left alone with sharp objects

that dreams of Your wedding band marking her neck

and the marks they could leave on her jaw if You were to hit her

im sorry that i couldnt see the skyline

the way that You could

because while we were looking up 

i was just looking at You

longing to see You search for clouds

that might remind You of me

im sorry You're the first thing i think of

everytime i kneel down or bend over

im sorry that in my dreams of sucking the dirt from underneath Your fingernails

i dont envision having a safe word

but just that You carry me to sleep

once i prove that i deserve it