broad shoulders

i dont know how well structured this is going to be but im going to try my best. recently i've been struggling to be myself and i often feel as if im a vessel, maybe a hollowshell of what i used to be. 

i dont understand

its hard for me to think, my lapse of judgement which is intied to my moral compass has it's magnetic poles flipped to the point where i think im headed south even if im follow the north star.

help me understand

i lack the belief in myself to do things first or start something first often waiting for people to lead the way. it scares me. i havent been creating, i havent been innovating, i havent done ANYTHING. a kid so bright that he often got scared of his own solar light is now casting a shadow that encapsulates everything to the point where he is blind. 

i pray to understand

i can not think for myself, or moreso it feels that way, and when i do i feel its often wrong even though i could not be. i know i wont understand everything so i send upstairs but even then im still human, yes i have the trust but i also have the curiousity.

end of the day, it feels like i am struggling to love myself and its showing in everything i do. sorry Kise if im letting you down right now, im letting myself down at the same time man.

broad shoulders that carry a head that isnt even mine.