Birthdays

My birthday is tomorrow and I'm turning 19. This is my first birthday without my family and it feels awful. I never liked celebrating birthdays, it's always a constant reminder of me getting older and it's just uncomfortable. I was supposed to have a party for my birthday for tomorrow but I declined it, I want nobody to know my birthday or to even say it because it's just another reminder of how i'm away from my family and from my childhood. 2026 is my last year of being a teenager and I feel so scared.