bpd

im 19. im diagnosed with so much shit I cant even remember? bpd, ptsd, mdd, unspecified mood disorder, generalized anxiety too like fuck. im going to pick up some drgs tomorrow. I uhm. feel terrible and miserable. I feel like my boyfriend is like distancing and it hurts I need him to stay. stay forever. I need him in my life. I dont ever wanna love another person but him. I like. I feel so passionate, that when he doesn't reciprocate it I feel like he doesn't love me at all. I need him to be so sure and so positive about me that he doesn't even need to fear the idea of falling out of love with me. because I dont fear that with myself. I know I'll love him no matter what he looks like, smells like, or anything hes just. hes everything. hes all to me. I feel like im obsessed and I AM. I HATE MYSELF. everyone around me can see im not normal. im not acting normal and there all like "girl what is wrong" I Dont know. I'm a girl in love and I for some reason feel like im being abandoned and im crashing the fuck out like why Is my head spinning why am I unreal whaaat.