How to get a girlfriend

I'm at school waiting for my mom to come pick me up, and I just came up with a reason for my loneliness: I listen to too much music. It can't possibly be the autism + shyness. No. How much music you listen to directly correlates with how handsome others find you. So my listening to, like, 5 albums every day is the reason for my lack of a girlfriend. Remind me to stab both of my ear canals with q-tips.