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I don’t know how people find fulfillment in their daily lives. it’s been said a million times before and I’ll say it once more. I don’t know what to do or how to continue on existing. Every interaction I have outside of my immediate family feels feigned and hollow, like I’m reading from a script. Every offer of help or support seems shallow or undeserved.
Talking to anyone is exhausting and I don’t think anyone understands or notices. I feel so horrible because I have a loving family (or at least I have my mom) and a few friends and it doesn’t seem to help.
All I do is take and take And take from everyone around me and I try to do what I can to make up for it, I give good advice, I’m a decent listener, but it still feels so forced. I don’t know what to do.
I feel like there’s nowhere for me to go from here. I’ve always imagined myself going out by my own hand. While I don’t have a plan, it still seems inevitable.
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✮ Jay ✮
i think if ur thinking this far, u should tell someone abt it.
if i had to explain it logically, ur brain will tell u that u wont be able to get help, no one actually caresm and that there is no hope, but this is ur mind's perception, not reality (srry if thats blunt). U can get help and there is hope, and u point out that u have many ppl around u (loving family and friends) and im sure they care. Life is a bumpy road and things wont be easy always. Like i wont be lying to u and say it'll be a hundred percent sunshine and rainbows and that u will be fine and dandy. It wont be easy but u will eventually feel the good parts too. It just seems foggy and heavy rn and i get it.
First of all, just for urself, try to appreciate small things in life. And when I mean small, I mean smalll. Like the sun, ur clothes, art, water, ur hands, anything. And tell urself things that u like and love. Like i remind myself that there are shows and books i like that I have to see till the end at least.
If u have ur mom or a friend, or maybe an accessible counsellor anywhere to tell them abt how ur feeling, EVEN JUST A LITTLE, it may help. U don't need to tell them the last part but be like "i feel like ive been performing, things feel a bit hollow" etc. whatever ur comfortable with sharing. It seems scary but the weight will be a little off ur shoulder too. I would personally suggest looking for a professional for help too bc they can seriously do a lot even if u dont initially think so. especially with thoughts abt ending urself. If u need to go through ur parents to get help then u do not need to tell them ur genuine reason if ur not comfortable, but give some other reason, but just try to get help in any way possible. Even if its just a counsellor. But if ur not comfortable with that right away and prefer to talk to someone ur closer with first, do that. They will not feel burdened, they will want to help u bc they care. I am sure of that. They may not know what to do but they will WANT to help u. The ppl who care about you will want to help u.
I felt similarly (and sometimes still do) and i knew ppl who thought the exact same way as u and struggled a lot with it. And im sure they still do sometimes, but ik they are genuinely happier now than at that period when they were at their lowest. So although ik it is hard rn, there will be a time where things will be better. so please try to get help. I believe in u.
I apologize for giving no response to this, but I appreciate you endlessly <3
by DirtAngel ˚ʚ♡ɞ˚; ; Report
np anytime!
by ✮ Jay ✮; ; Report