Log07 - 01/03/26

The theme lately has been overwhelming adoration.

I spent new years with ___. I don't reckon he'll see this so I'm going for it on here. It's like I ate a magnet and he's got the other pole. I just adore him. It doesn't matter I only met him last May, I take my feelings as genuine. He's a goddamn smartass. He's passionate. He's thoughtful and insightful. There's a depth in him that I particularly like. The forces of attraction always got me gripped in an intense sorta way, so I hold back to not scare him. It feels like I got rope burn by the time I'm back on the Greyhound. 

I went on a whim. I hadn't seen him since leaving his house in a cab on November 1st. We had a talk and what I took as a break up all on the ride back home. Too long an explanation for this post. We've remained friends successfully. So we met up at the barcade. Immediately it felt like a right choice; I tagged along to be a friend, but I expected a level of awkwardness. It felt way more natural than I anticipated. He's good at talking, and I'm good at looking into his eyes and pretending I'm not in a complete state of bliss. From our conversations that night, I think he's maybe still sweet on me. It isn't a good time to start a partnership together again, but I'm hoping a good time may come. He offered a new years kiss though. Made my month. But while I'm riding this fatass bull of want and infatuation, I need to make sure I keep my focus mostly elsewhere right now. 

I got so much shit to do. I am chock full of passion and interest, always have been. But my resolution for this year is that I will not let my apathy take another year away. I will involve myself. I will do and not only speak of doing. I will play and do things I am not skilled at. I will make fun. I will mend the relationship with my own company. I will keep taking my meds and attending therapy. Yeah brother you know I'm locked in. I'm going to do my best.

What I would like to do this year (or beyond):

watch movies of all kinds

find more public places to hang out, even alone

help out on the farms and ranches

take more photos; log life more

read some books

bring the skateboard back out

do things on whims

be myself #CanIGetAnAmen

Happy New Year. If you are reading this, do you have resolutions? Did you enjoy the holiday? Are you head over heels for someone, too? What might you like to do on a whim?