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i take pride in the fact that i'm a compassionate person. i try to be "good", i try to be "right". this isn't me patting myself on the ass, but a critical look at Me, and if you can relate, let this be a reflection for you to consider, too
because sometimes i try too hard. sometimes i try so hard that i end up petal to the metal backwards
i'm compassionate but i'm reactive. sometimes i'm slow to think and quick to jump. and when you think after you jump, you'd better hope there's a net at the bottom of the cliff to catch you so you can put your thoughts into action
on the internet, it's so easy to forget that we're all human. every single one of us here has a life, emotions, hopes and dreams, goodness and badness, friends and family. everybody here is complex, nobody here can be boiled down to a few identifying bullet points. even the ones who have different political views than you. even the ones who have vastly differing opinions from yours. they're not just "conservative dude who hates abortion" or "liberal with blue hair and pronouns" or whatever. what do they do in their day-to-day life? they get up in the morning, go to work or school, joke and chat with their peers, learn something new every day, engage with their hobbies, spend time with their pets, play with their kids... or do you think they make it their perogative to only ever engage with politics and nothing else, just to annoy you, personally?
it's so, so easy to judge a book by its cover. it's like, kindergarten that you learn not to do that, right? why is it so hard not to?
i think it's because we don't really see each other. we see text on a screen and that doesn't readily translate to "human". we can't reliably read tone and emotion and intent over text. so we jump to conclusions based on our feelings and what we believe to be true
i'm guilty. you're guilty. we're all guilty, to some extent. i'm saying we need to make an effort, all of us, to remember that every single person posting on here has a life that you simply cannot summarize with a phrase or sentence
so obviously, if there is an actual predator on here literally targeting minors, that's fucked up and should be taken care of asap. but unless you know/have experience with that person personally, can you really say with total confidence, with your full chest, "oh, that guy is a pedophile who diddles children on the regular"? how the hell would you know what they get up to off the internet? you can be wary and warn others of a potentially dangerous situation without making shit up about a person. did you know that?
anyway, the reason i'm writing this blog is because i got called tf out on my bullshit on another blog. i said something completely out of pocket, and though the person i directed my comment at wasn't offended by it, the blog author came to school me on throwing out childish accusations/insults. it made me feel ashamed, because i know i'm better than that. like i said at the beginning of this entry, i pride myself on being a compassionate person... so why do i throw that out for the chance at a cheap shot at someone on the internet? it doesnt even feel good. every time i end up letting go of my compassion, even just for a moment, it feels shameful, it feels low, i feel like a bully and that is not me
for me, at least, part of it is moral ocd. not only do i preoccupy myself with my own morals, but other peoples' as well. it isnt a conscious decision, and i have to make an effort to control my obsessions and compulsions related to morality. tbh i feel like social media of any kind is a powder keg for people with moral ocd because... there's just so much online. of everything. and to see an opinion/stance that challenges mine, the ocd immediately starts turning its gears, and i have to stick a wedge in it before it gets out of hand. before i realized i had moral ocd, this was nearly impossible. i permanently left social media of all kinds (except for spacehey) because i just couldnt maintain healthy friendships/acquaintanceships (is that a word?) with anyone, when my mind was constantly running on "are they moral enough to keep around?"
(if you find yourself inexplicably preoccupied with morals to the point where its affecting your ability to make and keep friends/romantic partners and youre like never truly happy because youre always worried about being "good" you should probably look into moral ocd lol just saying <3)
personally, i'm not an argumentative person. discussion, yes, i love to have discussions. debate is healthy, if you go into it with an open mind. i'm not perfect and i do occasionally get worked up to the point of resorting to petty insults, but i try not to and i'm doing a million times better than i was a handful of years ago. like trust me, if you have seen me get into arguments here and thought "okay jovi, calm down", you would have wanted to explode me, before. i promise i have been working very hard on not being reactive
and that's another thing about people: they can and do change. i look back at my younger self and cringe, but i also give her grace, because she didnt know any better. she was young and lost with no idea how to go about life without guidance, and the guidance she had growing up wasnt the right sort to begin with
i'm sure in another 10 or 20 years i'll look back on me Now and have something to cringe about
basically, my point is, nobody is ever going to share every single opinion you have. not your partner, not your best friend, nobody. that's because we all experience life differently. and you have to accept it. if not today then tomorrow or next year or on your death bed, but you will have to accept it if you want to make meaningful connections. does that mean you have to like and get along with everybody? absolutely not. i'm not suddenly going to go out and actively search out conservative MAGA idiots to befriend, but i am going to remember that they are human, too, and even if they hold harmful beliefs, they have the ability to still do good things, whether or not they change their political affiliation (and besides that, i've met plenty of "leftists" who are basically MAGA in all but name so you really cant judge based on whether someone is "left" or "right", but by their actions)
i want to challenge you, as i have been challenging myself for a few good years now, to listen, and have an open mind. having an open mind doesnt mean changing your opinion willy nilly, it just means being open to new information. not only does having an open mind help you learn more so you can debate more effectively if that's what you want, you'll also learn a lot about the world outside your own cultural bubble
having an open mind also means not getting offended when somebody calls you out on being a dumbass. it means considering their point, really digesting it, and deciding where to go from there
finding common ground is honestly the best way to go about it. starting off with accusations will only end up devolving into insults and petty shots... but kiko! already published a blog on how to argue so i'm not going to go off on that tangent (funny enough that's the blog that the exchange that prompted this blog happened on LOL)
the world is beautiful and complex, humans are beautiful and complex. youre doing everybody a disservice by shoving people into boxes based on the 1% of them you see online, at school or work, or on the street. you can dislike somebody without overjustifying it. make that a mantra. okay?
have a wonderful 2006 everybody ^_^ hehe
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kiko!
>for me, at least, part of it is moral ocd. not only do i preoccupy myself with my own morals, but other peoples' as well. it isnt a conscious decision, and i have to make an effort to control my obsessions and compulsions related to morality.
I, for one, do not have moral OCD but I can slightly relate to this, especially when I had TikTok. Like I said in my blog, I would be in comments sections arguing with whichever MAGA idiot that would listen me because i wanted so badly to make them believe in what I wanted to believe. I genuinely thought if I was persuasive, tactful, and smart enough⏤they would change their mind and understand how wrong their views were.
I would tell my friends about the idiot I was arguing with that day and I started to realize how obsessed and idiotic it was o argue in TikTok comment sections, CONSTANTLY. Even recently after I had left TikTok, my friends would bring up how easily I would get rage-baited and how I was a 'keyboard warrior.'
It's embarrassing, but I understand how easy it was to get sucked up into that cycle of arguing for no good reason. It's why I wanted to make the post because chronically-online individuals will get sucked up into that way of thinking. It's also why I wasn't annoyed with you or even really upset when I commented, just disappointed. I'm not much different to you in the long run. I still am a 'keyboard warrior' if I get heated enough. '
Good luck, I'm glad you made this post as well! Thank you for the slight shout out :)
Ugly Has To Walk?
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Something I also have more to work on. Very good and thoughtful blog!
xX_Dyrk_Nyte_Xx
Props to you for having the skills to step back a re evaluate things! Thats something im still learning and I'm still a very black and white reactive thinker.
But your insights on how when it comes to morals on the internet and such is very very true. People seem more reactive online compared to real life. And i think tone and never rly knowing the human behind text is a huge part of that. We all forget that (I do a LOT)
i also get crap for having friends of varying political beleifs which is something I think is an internet culture thing thats slowly leaking into real life. Too many people are in yes man circles (I too am in one not saying im any better at all lol)
Yet another 10/10 insightful blog Jovi. You always have very well formed thoughts and articulate them so well i always feel like im learning from you!!!