feelings n stuff

I hate the way i describe how i feel actually

i can never say i feel "sad" or angry" i always have to use  descriptors. words are never enough to express how i feel so i always have to go into detail about things like physical feelings or representatives use to explain myself

ig here are some of those i never actually share them because i think its weird, and i sound stupid for not just saying how i feel

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Ever pull the skin from your flesh and all there is are those grey and white transparency square bar things, thats how i see myself sometimes like theres nothing on the inside

contradictory tho, sometimes i feel like im trapped in a metal body, and all my insides are made of liquid color and images, like im trapped in my own flesh from showing my true self

theres me as paper machete in a city full of real places and people

i see myself in the position of an alcoholic but with soda, tho id never say this out loud because i think its offensive to struggling alcoholics 

sometimes i see a contradiction of me rather beating the shit out of my younger self, and comforting that same younger self, idk what that would mean tho

i view my soul in a lot of ways, sometimes it's an all white figure with a giant witch hate and sharp black eyes, sometimes its a being flowing through a giant ribcage as if it were in space, its nearly featureless but it has giant cracking holes in its body like broken concrete,  sometimes it's me with paper machete ways to kms rotating around my body, theres some symbolism behind that but i wont get into it

theres me with just paper machete bruises and cuts on my body, hiding regular skin underneath

sometimes its a version of me with wings growing from weird placing on my body like tumors, all bloody and fleshy like a newborn animal. its not a pretty visual

sometimes my face is missing, replaces with a wooden sign, the words are in japanesse letters but i dont even know what it would mean or actually say

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confession

i know theres something wrong with me, but i dont know what it is. sometimes i feel like a liar for thinking that