Im so totally Bipolar :( (not to self-diagnose

I can't believe it. I thought that I was just evil and became controlling, obsessive, and mean out of nowhere. I would have random days where I would become someone I didn't recognize. Then I would feel like  total sh!t about it afterwords. Then I did start to recognize this person I thought iw was just me being evil for no reason. I started to hate myself. I started to believe I was secretly evil or something. I cant even start on when I made a certain person my favorite person. I become obsessive. Think of them for hours. Text them all the time. Worry that they'd hated me if they didn't respond. I thought I was a danger and started isolating myself from people all together. I didn't want to screw anything up. I stopped texting people I loved as often. I cant believe I didn't see it before. The times I would feel so high then so low. I should have seen this coming. So many people in my family have BPD. I totally thought it just skipped me. I'm so sad. Going to a Doc soon. I'm kind of hoping it's this and not something I've never heard of because it could be worse and if not, what is wrong with me?