Dear 2025...

♪ ♬ .. ...And To Those I Love, Thanks For Sticking Around - $uicideboy$ .. ♪ ♬

This year was very, very harsh. From the start of the year I was sent to the hospital - I was in acute psychotic episode. But in hospital I found some people with whom I understand and life doesn't feel that much heavy as it was.

In hospital I realized a lot things. That I'm around people who do not like me at all and that some very hurtful things happened to me, which my amnesia hid from me. It wasn't nice realization, but it helped me to solve my inner problems and decisions for life. This made me to break up for a while with my current girlfriend.

During Spring, I met one boy. He was from the same hospital as me, but from different department. We were dating, but pretty soon I found out he's not very nice person as I saw at first. He was in active addiction and it pretty a lot affected me in bad way. I told him that, but he didn't seem to care. Our relationship suddenly was about me holding this whole shit on my back. And I realized I do not deserve this kind of person in my life. I ended relationship.

Summer break. I found out I'm failing school. School gave me day when I need to come and make finals. Sounds like I had a chance, right? Well, no. Even though I had good score to finish another grade in my high school, they just kicked me out. Suddenly I was without education and it stressed me a lot, like A LOT, that my right leg became paralyzed for few days. That's when I as well was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis. Another hit from reality. 

Autumn. I relapsed. Reunited with my ex, but not for a long time - I again saw his real personality and made final decision to not contact him ever again. I start to recover once again. Sometimes I get paralyses. I start education as future nurse. Found my new special interest - microbiology. 

Winter. Few months clean. A lot tired and sleepy. Reunited with my girlfriend. Together we had a lot of deep talks about us, our relationship and our future. Even though we had a lot of shits together, we found out it's something what made us much closer to each other. During time when we weren't together we as well a lot discovered about ourselves. We sometimes still have little crisis, but we both try our best, because we love each other and care about each other. I find it sweet and lovely. I thought I'll never know that feeling of love, but I was mistaking - I do, indeed, know that feeling. That pure love when you love someone even with their flaws, ups and downs and life crisis. Because you still find in them that beauty when you saw in them for the first time. It's beautiful.

I was worried I'll spend Christmas completely alone and without any gifts. But I received some gifts. One of them is very important for me! CD + cassette player. When I was child, I had a player, neon red one. I often was listening through it a radio and swimming in my own imagination. My inner child is so, so happy...

And here I am. Last day of this year. At first it seems another year was spent. But this year was very, very hard for me, especially in mental way. I had a lot of obstacles, but I managed them! And I'm so proud of myself... So if you think you did absolutely nothing this year as I at first thought, no... just look how many steps you did. <3

Goodbye 2025,
Welcome 2026. 
Be kind. 🖤