Report Blog Entry
Have you ever had suicidal thoughts or even attempted them? If so, do you feel ashamed of them?
I had a suicide attempt, as you can see, it was unsuccessful, and I am very ashamed of it. I'm not ashamed of the fact that it happened, I can talk about it openly, I'm ashamed of my failure. Sometimes I feel like it would be so much better if my life went to someone more capable. Even after treatment, I'm still hopeless. God, I even listened to inspirational speeches from terminally ill people who are fighting so desperately for life, but it only made me feel worse. For some, life is the most precious reward, but I treat it so worthlessly.
But I can't say I regret what I did or that I've stopped thinking about it. I'm still thinking about finishing it. But I also don't want to upset my friends AGAIN, they were so worried about me after the first time..
If I were given the chance to live this life over again, I would eat myself in the womb.
Comments
Displaying 3 of 3 comments ( View all | Add Comment )
XxkorpseprincessxX
I’ve attempted before, it failed because I stopped myself. I still wanted to die but felt like it wasn’t the right time. I didn’t know what I wanted to live for. Maybe just a few years of a okay ish life? I don’t really know. But what I do know is that I will always remember, me at my lowest, feeling hopeless and like nothing else would ever be better, wanting to die, and sitting in my room late at night. Grabbing a rope that I had, tied it, looked at my ceiling fan and thought about how much it would hold, setting the rope down, thinking if it’s worth it, testing it out by just putting it up with my arm, the air leaving me, stopping myself and setting the rope in my drawer. And just sitting staring in the mirror thinking “what the hell am I doing” and just sitting in my quiet bedroom on the floor, thinking about how weak and scared I was not going through with it. But I went on and here I am today, still mentally fucked and still wanting to die. But I’m not gonna die. At least I don’t really plan on it at the moment.
AnGel_US
🇬🇧The truth is, one day when I was completely alone I tried to hang myself.
When I was running out of air, I felt very scared and realized that I wanted to keep living.
The truth is not ashamed of having failed.
I realized that I like living and that all the bad things that were happening to me were going to pass.
🇪🇸La verdad es que un día que estaba completamente solo intenté ahorcarme. Cuando me estaba quedando sin aire, sentí mucho miedo y me di cuenta de que quería seguir viviendo. La verdad no se avergüenza de haber fracasado. Me di cuenta que me gusta vivir y que todo lo malo que me estaba pasando iba a pasar.
vicky ⏾
im being totally open with you here— i have attempted many times and failed obviously. i do feel ashamed but its more in a “i was being stupid” way. it hurts the people i love and i feel so embarrassed and guilty for putting them through more pain. if i had the chance to do it without hurting them i would take it. i hope that you can eventually feel better about all of this, things will eventually lighten up even if it feels like it will never come <3