i m back

hi , is been a while since i ve complained how bad i m feeling every day . i ve lost a lot of my memories and everything feels like a dream more like a nightmare. i don t know why i m still alive i think i m just to afraid that it will be worse on the other side to try another atempt . a lot of things happened but some things just never change i gues . maybe this is my fate and this is the way i will always feel ,like a shit . i will be lonley forever . idk why i m even writhing this on public i feel like shit . i m just wandering if is it posible to be depressed all your life because i m starting to feel like it is . i ve always been like this ever since kindergarden i war rejected by other kids that i wanted to be friends with and in shool i was bullyed , in highschool i was ignored and everyone was talking behind my back that i was crazy because i went to the mental hospital, and now look at me i m 20 fucking years and i m not a functional adult at all. i can t work because of my depresion and i have no friends no boyfriend . i live with my mom at list i have a disability pension.