new year, new me

i didn't post a blog last week. i started to write one and then scrapped it.

i didn't post a YouTube video today. i meant to record last night and simply forgot.

there's good news though.

i'm moving my YouTube releases to Mondays. instead of trying to get something done during my work days, i have two days off to focus on recording and editing. this is going to take the pressure off a bit.

i have some life changes to take care of in 2026, and that starts with making my schedule more in line with my goals. i've been trying to do too much with too little and it's time i make my time work for me instead of against me.

i don't believe in New Year's Resolutions. most people make fake promises to themselves. "i'm going to work out more." "i'm going to stop drinking." "i'm going to spend more time with my family." i'm not promising myself, or anyone else, anything. i'm going to work to be more intentional and follow through with things. that's discipline, and that's integrity.

so no, i don't have a classic New Year's Resolution. i'm going to adjust my course according to circumstances as they show up in my life. it doesn't make sense to create grand plans or expectations.

i'm also going to stop lying to myself about my expectations of others or myself. people are only human and nobody's perfect. i'm not going to wrap myself up in idealism and wishful thinking. i'm going to ground myself in reality even more.

i'm going to work on music. i'm going to continue with YouTube. i'm going to continue with my blogs. missing once when i've posted every week since March isn't a bad sign. dropping the ball a few times on YouTube (which requires more energy and work) isn't the end of my efforts. and i'm going to use my new connections and inspirations to stay focused on writing and eventually recording.

life is going to happen whether i want it to or not. i can become inflexible about it and give up when i hit walls, or recognize them as simple obstacles with a liminal space somewhere leading to the other side. i didn't say it was going to be easy, but i feel it will be worth the effort.

i've got a lot of work to do and i intend to get it done. not everyone who started 2025 with me will be entering 2026 with me. i'm not chasing people around or begging for them to stay. i'll be 35 soon and, statistically, my life is nearing halfway over.

it's now or never.