lol still hurts

same as it always is. same as i'm used to. the same now, now, forever. 

with this family of mine.

i know there's no reason to get so worked up, but it still sucks, and it still hurts sometimes.

piercing through my veins, coursing through my blood.

chained to an iv, same as it always is, but that norm is horrible to the outside. and late at night i can hope that my hopeless feelings fossilize by the morning.

i have no choice, i have to go on, nobody is waiting for me.

and i wouldn't have been happy either way. i hate to think of going and having to push down all those words she'd said. same as it always is. but it still. hurts.

a crappy ending to this crappy year. as familiar as all the other crappy ones.

thanks for uninviting me from Christmas, mom. 

thanks for yelling at me on Christmas Eve, Cole.

just how am i gonna hide this from everyone else now?