who really knows

my entire blog post deleted itself but I wont get mad this time. Ill just retype it.

updates since I havent been able to since my spacehey ban.

that girl and her dog were only here for a day. its selfish of me to feel relieved but we didn't really hit it off at all and her dog pissed on the carpet ... and also barked all through the night. I wouldve hated that.

im terribly sick. I felt a tight pressure in my head the first day, terrible headache and sore throat but no sinus issues. fine today with just a cough, again NO sinus issues. But as soon as the clock hit 11pm my body decided itd be the perfect time to completely ruin me. I can take a cough. Headache sure. Not being able to breathe is the worst. Ugh. Im scared to take another benadryl but I may have to. Boo. But im scared of the possibility of accidental overdose without someone else awake to help me. Dying next to someone I love would be fine but I wouldnt want him to wake up to that.

Speaking of— I had an odd dream. I dont remember much. Just that I was being told what Heaven feels like. 

"The last day of Kindergarten, and your behavior slip had just been moved to 'exceptional'. Your mother is waiting for you at the door with open arms, a warm hug." 

A bit omitted, and ever so slightly changed based on what I saw in my dream, but the general description I was told is the same. 

But really, wouldn't that be nice

I miss hugs from my mother. It feels like I hardly got any unless I went in first. And I was usually too embarrassed. 

Embarrassed to hug your own mom? Sad.

Anyways, its 5am. Ive been awake since 3:40ish just trying to breathe. I hate mouth breathing.

Goodnight.