walk away.

how do i continue living in a world thats not made for me? i dont want to go back into a burning house just because its freezing outside. i feel so lost in my own emotions. i dont even know how to keep breathing. i finally had it all, flashes of the future crossing my mind. a future that i have never seen before. its like life is spitting in my face, holding me at arms length to remind me how naive i can be. 

or maybe then its my own fault for hoping, knowing that everything good never lasts around me, dies faster than flowers in the winter. i still saw it all, no more bad days, no more moments when i wish i could rip myself apart. a happy home, cozy nights whilst being held like im somebody's whole world. it was too soon but it shouldn't have hurt that much to just hope. i thought seeing the good in people made you the best form of a human. but do i want to be the best form of a human at my own sanity's expense? 

if its choosing everyone but yourself, how is it worth it? how is it fair? i think this is way beyond my understanding. and maybe someday i will learn to take my own advice, to protect my own heart, to stand my ground.

to walk away.