sick again

Pretty sure for the past ~4 years I've fallen ill on/around my birthday. Swollen tonsils, super painful, and totally lethargic. Literally been sleeping 15-20 hours for the past few days. Was woken up to go out for my bday dinner today and felt like total garbage for the first hour or so. Ended up being better as the night progressed, but mannnn I thought I was dying lol. Last night, for my "fake" party (to appease my nightmare stepsister) I woke up 30 mins late at around 7pm, went downstairs after showering and got told I looked like shit (valid). Just super crazy eyebags and such. Really bad timing in general because this month is extremely busy for me.

Been ghosting literally everyone (again) just because I've been sleeping all day. Waking up to 100+ notifications is really just soooo awesome and not stressful. It's nice to be appreciated, at least. I've been really wanting to isolate again and not talk to anyone. It comes and goes in bouts. Was going to have a larger party with my friends next week but I'm pushing it to January if not February. Seriously not in the mood to hang out rn, and I want to plan something more elaborate than the get-togethers I've done for the last few years in place of a proper party (not much of a big celebration person). Thinking business as usual but with the addition of a paint-and-sip event, maybe as a friendly competition. I was going to make everyone come in costume, thought it'd be hilarious back in June when I was talking to one of my buds about it. Definitely reconsidering now. I'm just wayyy too tired to commit to shit like that. Very much giving "you people can't do anything" but oh well.