idk..."im not a violent dog, idk why i bite"

well....I have a boyfriend now :DD and he makes me so happy...hes nice, kind, handsome, cool, funny, hes js amazing....i really love him sm, and calling with him always makes me feel better. Now that were dating im even more scared of losing him. i overthink all ways possible of losing him. im scared my mom will find out i have instagram and ruin my friendship with my online best friend. i know him for almost 2 years now and i love him very much. i dont know why i am writting this, because no one is listening. i think everytime i write blogs, i do it for myself and not for others. it like a diary for me...well. i feel kinda bad bc...i miss myself. and i feel even more bad bc...i dont know what i miss, because i dont know myself, i dont know who i am. was i ever someone? was i ever something? i have no idea...future is at the door, and idk how im gonna open it. things are actually happening, but i still feel so empty. maybe i really do have borderline, it would explain everything. i know im different. i know theres something. if were being honest, i know i can be whatever i want, i just...really dont know who i am. im always changing, all the time. sometimes im everything, other times im nothing. sometimes i love someone, the next second i want to leave. i have a favorite movie, and then i dont think it is that good anymore. and is this all the time. i never knew who i was, and im scared i will never know, bc im so unstable. people cant trust me, bc my feelings and toughts are changing all the time. i literally told my ex i wouldnt leave him and broke up the next day. and i dont do this to hurt people....things inside me...theyr just...never sure. they can feel like they are sure, but they never are. i hope i stop hurting others and myself. im scared. i know theres a good soul inside me, but im so dirty.