💙 Chronic fatigue & instant messaging : a heartfelt talk.
— Hello, wandering Spaceheyers 🌙 —
(and again to the friends coming from my last bulletin :3)
For starters, a little message to let my regular penpals (and the newcomers) know that I'm FINALLY on my way to reply to your doorstops (hehe) :3 Thanks again for being so kind and patient with me. Hope you're all doing okay ! 😊 I didn't expect to chat with so many fellow yappers at the same time and my lower than average energy levels definitely struggle to keep up, with great regret T_T
On the same note : where the hell did that inflow of likes/comments on my 3 weeks old entry « On wanting to meet "anyone" and the power of words » come from, by the way ?! x) Damn, I didn't expect this improvised rambling to resonate with and have so many people self-reflect, makes me super happy ✨ Gotta answer to all these ASAP too :3
So, I was planning to post a simple bulletin today, but since it's a kinda reoccuring theme/issue in my life and I wanna be fully transparent with you guys, I decided it'd be the perfect occasion to tell you a bit more about myself and why I'm such a slow – and maybe frustrating to some – conversation partner in the first place ; not so much as a justification (no one owes anyone any explanation on how they deal with their own stuff) than a healthy acknowledgment of my personal limitations and boundaries that I feel like sharing today with the people who might enjoy chatting with me so far (or in the near future).
As the neurodivergent moody witch of the woods I am, I've always been at war with my energy/social batteries and any kind of set daily schedule (and I tried A HELL of a lot). Thanks to the shit ton of lemons the Universe threw at me throughout my three decades of existence, I now struggle with GAD, chronic fatigue and a wrecked nervous system (among other things) so even if I don't suck at prioritizing and switching between tasks per se – I'm pretty good at multitasking, for an autistic lady ; well, as long as I can take a 4h nap after, I guess xD), I do suck at sustaining and engaging in those I know will drain or overstimulate the shit out of me, my crappy nerves having a hard time with both negative AND overly positive stimuli (no more gory slashers nor hysterical laughter for me without my body setting alarms bells ringing, no kidding 😭 haha).
Add to the mix the fact that :
x 99% of you lovely people here don't speak my native language – which, even if I'm pretty proficient in English, is exhausting in its own way ;
x I already allocate lots of said energy to taking a decent care of myself
(= drinking, eating, showering and... well, just peeing properly ; which both depression AND hyperfocus keep conspiring against – if you know, you know xD) ;
x The remaining goes to (obsessively) thinking about & burning out wearing a borderline unhealthy amount of different hats for my indie visual novel project and striving towards working as a freelance game dev/illustrator someday – so I can FINALLY stop worrying about ending up homeless every five minutes cause I can't sustain a regular 9 to 5...
... aaaand that'll come as no surprise why I always end up procrastinating and postponing SO damn much the moment to answer to messages and comments on socials, despite me really looking forward to connecting more with people.
↑ Me checking my overflowing inbox after ↑
my daily 24-hour hyperfocus marathon
So, to the couple gems willing to accept my slow/wordy/sweary/emoji spammer ass for what I am (and to the future ones), all this to say :
Feel free to take ALL THE TIME you need to answer me !
(and thank you dearly for allowing me to do the same 💙)
I'll always be happy to read from you anyway :3
Take weeks – months, even – to reply if that's what suits you best ; by then, you'll probably have all the more anecdotes and adventures to share with me, so it's a win-win ! 😁 haha As long as you genuinely enjoy debating, laughing, as well as sharing passions and experiences together on a (more or less) regular basis, it's all that matters to me.
Hell, let's bring back the 1700s and make HUGE monthly
epistolary exchanges trendy again ! ✨ Nothing beats a handwritten letter in my opinion, but the Internet is a scary doxing place – I know, I know – so emails will do for now :3
If we become REALLY friends though... someday... maaaaaybe...
(PS : Not to brag nor pressure you into rushing our relationship or anything, but I happen to have a fairly pretty handwriting. For a leftie, that is. Just saying 😏 hehe)
And to those of you who wish to build genuine & deeper connections with others overall :
No matter how long someone takes to answer your messages/comments, always – ALWAYS – be kind to them.
We all have lives, and we all have strugglesno one knows about.
Never forget that as humans, Time is one of our most precious resources : if someone considers you important/interesting enough to try and tweak their schedule to spend some of theirs with/on you... that's definitely something to be grateful for, don't you think ? :3
🚩 NOW, LET'S BE VERY CLEAR HERE :🚩
This OBVIOUSLY doesn't apply to opportunistic & selfish assholes !
Not in the LEAST am I encouraging you to settle for breadcrumbs ; you should never have to beg nor fight for sincere care and attention.
If someone repeatedly treats you like you're just convenient or replaceable and rarely seems to reciprocate your attention or to be fully present/authentic when they engage with you, that's a big fucking RED FLAG ! I know it's kinda hard to tell with (online) strangers, but try and use your discernment on this one.
What I say is : be grateful for (and don't take for granted) the time of people who :
✅ Manifest genuine, enthusiastic interest or curiosity for what you have to say and seem eager to keep your conversations going : if they remember tiny things about you and/or answer yourquestions with even more questions, major EQ green flags ! (although I know some fellow autistic folks do struggle with that last one, especially if the topic isn't of any interest to them – my husband does, for instance – so again, being mindful of the other person's way of navigating social stuff is key here).
✅ Respect your natural pace and don't guilt-trip you into revising your standards for their own comfort : while compromising IS indeed important to maintain any long-term relationship to some extent, if you clearly stated your non-negotiable boundaries yet the other person keeps stepping over them, stop entertaining them ; they probably aren't worth it.
✅ Try their best to keep in touch and show up forwith you as consistently as possible – despite their own possible issues or limitations.
THESE are the folks you wanna surround yourself with ; the self-centered and impatient brats can go fly a fucking kite:3
To conclude, I'll quote what one of you penpals recently said to me
(if you happen to read this, hello ! :3 🙌)
... and I don't either.
No one is entitled to YOUR time and energy but YOU,
so protect it and choose wisely who you share it with.
As long as you're coming from an honest, caring and respectful place yourself – and remember that the same rule applies to others too– never let anyone shame you for prioritizing yourself and your mental health.
You shouldn't have to burn yourself out for the sake of anything or anyone, and especially not trying to fit into such an unrealistic and superficial socializing trend as instant messaging.
That being said, much love, my friends 🙃
Wishing y'all a nice weekend !
There're two images in this post, so if you didn't see any don't hesitate to refresh the page until they appear :3
I feel you so much on this!! I also suffer from GAD, and that along with autism make social stuff very tiring, so i can also kind of... disappear for periods of time... But I'm always glad to come back to people ^v^ I just need to recharge a little (a lot). If we ever message, I won't care- though I'm more of a comments and posts person than messages, but hey, just because I'm bad at them doesn't mean I don't enjoy it! ^w^ Anyways, love reading you, no matter how regular or irregular <3
Happy to hear you don't mind ! Most people I chat with actually seemed relieved/accepting when I told them to take their time to reply. In the end, I think these modern social conventions really exhaust more folks than they'd like to admit, divergents AND typicals alike. Let's hope more of them grow to embrace their need for a slower communicating style in the future
Anyway, thanks for the kind words ! Sending lots of good vibes your way and looking forward to chatting with you anytime, no matter the medium ✨
What a lovely sentiment. Sorry to hear you suffer from GAD, I can't understand how that feels but I can sympathize with it as I also have my own health issues, glad you're doing well. I didn't know you pen pal'd with people through email, that's so cool!! I've never done that, you seem pretty popular too lol! You're emailing lots of different people by the sounds of it, my emails are so full of junk these days bills, reminders or whatever. I can't remember the last time I sent an email to someone just to say "Hey what's up, how are you?" such a lost medium.
Glad to hear you're doing well, definitely love this little cohort of Millennials I've found on this website, even if there's not much talk going on it's great I get to see posts like these.
I also happened to be listening to "If you're Gone" by Matchbox Twenty while I was reading this so somehow it lifted this post up for me.
Thank you for the kind words, really appreciate it ! Lmao, never thought I'd live to hear anyone call me "popular" though But yeah, for a lone wolf and former bullied wallflower I'm still baffled by the number of sweet and interesting (and interested !) people I've met here in just two months of time.
Emails are fairly recent but yeah, with some folks we talk so damn much that we just grew tired of the evil character limit of this site x) haha It's a more laidback (and fun) way of chatting in my opinion, so I'd love to make this a regular thing with every people open to it in the near future :3 Warmly invite you to join if you're down to it, let's sprinkle some more joy in all this adult junk of yours ! hehe
I absolutely agree ! I had a hard time finding them at first but they recently started finding me on their own and popping in my friend requests a lot more, so that's great I love talking with people of/from all ages and walks of life, but nothing beats not having to explain your generational jokes and references xD
PS : I didn't know about Matchbox Twenty by the way, thanks a bunch for the discovery ! ✨
Yeah that's cool! I'd love to do an email exchange lol. Shoot me a message through here and I'll send you my email.
Also I was shook when you said you'd never heard of Matchbox 20, like if you hadn't ever listened to them I could understand but not once hearing about that band WOW. We gotta expand your music library I think hahah.
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Kai The Foley
I feel you so much on this!! I also suffer from GAD, and that along with autism make social stuff very tiring, so i can also kind of... disappear for periods of time... But I'm always glad to come back to people ^v^ I just need to recharge a little (a lot).
If we ever message, I won't care- though I'm more of a comments and posts person than messages, but hey, just because I'm bad at them doesn't mean I don't enjoy it! ^w^
Anyways, love reading you, no matter how regular or irregular <3
Happy to hear you don't mind ! Most people I chat with actually seemed relieved/accepting when I told them to take their time to reply. In the end, I think these modern social conventions really exhaust more folks than they'd like to admit, divergents AND typicals alike. Let's hope more of them grow to embrace their need for a slower communicating style in the future
Anyway, thanks for the kind words ! Sending lots of good vibes your way and looking forward to chatting with you anytime, no matter the medium ✨
by 𝔐𝔦𝔩𝔩𝔦𝔞𝔫𝔢; ; Report
Aidan
What a lovely sentiment. Sorry to hear you suffer from GAD, I can't understand how that feels but I can sympathize with it as I also have my own health issues, glad you're doing well. I didn't know you pen pal'd with people through email, that's so cool!! I've never done that, you seem pretty popular too lol! You're emailing lots of different people by the sounds of it, my emails are so full of junk these days bills, reminders or whatever. I can't remember the last time I sent an email to someone just to say "Hey what's up, how are you?" such a lost medium.
Glad to hear you're doing well, definitely love this little cohort of Millennials I've found on this website, even if there's not much talk going on it's great I get to see posts like these.
I also happened to be listening to "If you're Gone" by Matchbox Twenty while I was reading this so somehow it lifted this post up for me.
Thank you for the kind words, really appreciate it ! Lmao, never thought I'd live to hear anyone call me "popular" though
But yeah, for a lone wolf and former bullied wallflower I'm still baffled by the number of sweet and interesting (and interested !) people I've met here in just two months of time.
I love talking with people of/from all ages and walks of life, but nothing beats not having to explain your generational jokes and references xD
Emails are fairly recent but yeah, with some folks we talk so damn much that we just grew tired of the evil character limit of this site x) haha It's a more laidback (and fun) way of chatting in my opinion, so I'd love to make this a regular thing with every people open to it in the near future :3 Warmly invite you to join if you're down to it, let's sprinkle some more joy in all this adult junk of yours ! hehe
I absolutely agree ! I had a hard time finding them at first but they recently started finding me on their own and popping in my friend requests a lot more, so that's great
PS : I didn't know about Matchbox Twenty by the way, thanks a bunch for the discovery ! ✨
by 𝔐𝔦𝔩𝔩𝔦𝔞𝔫𝔢; ; Report
* If you're down FOR it, me stupid non-native x) haha
by 𝔐𝔦𝔩𝔩𝔦𝔞𝔫𝔢; ; Report
Yeah that's cool! I'd love to do an email exchange lol. Shoot me a message through here and I'll send you my email.
Also I was shook when you said you'd never heard of Matchbox 20, like if you hadn't ever listened to them I could understand but not once hearing about that band WOW. We gotta expand your music library I think hahah.
by Aidan; ; Report