💫 On wanting to meet "anyone" and the power of words.

(Just a quick post-writing note : I don't intend for anything I'm sharing here to be offensive or judgmental, nor do I pretend to hold the absolute truth : these are just observations and analyses filtered through my own flawed human experience and chaotic personal growth, which I hope can serve as food for thought to whoever might be interested in reading it ^^
Also, there're 2 images in this post, so if you don't see any don't hesitate to refresh the page until they appear :3)

A trend I see on this site a lot is people saying they want to meet« anyone », « everyone », « whoever » or even « no one »,then complaining to only be met with surface level, egocentric shells of humans, when not plain indifference.
... And try as I might, I can't help but feeling sadly frustrated by it.

Because words have meaning.Words carry weight.

Yet, so many people fail to realize it and treat them like they don't matter. Like subtleties don't color your speech nor speak volumes about who you are as a person. Except they do lots of the time.

« Anyone » whispers « I'm lonely and desperate for connection ».« Everyone » screams « I wanna feel special, please notice me ! ».« Whoever » implies « I just need a stand-in to kill my boredom ».« No one » mutters « I'll end up hurt again, so why even bother ? ».

And guess what ?

Looking needy, attention-seeking, jaded or bitterREPELS people like crazy.

And trust me when I tell you I'm saying that with all the care in the world... for I've been the repellent a good HALF of my life.
It repels them not because you don't deserve to feel loved, excited, admired or cared for ; those things aren't to be deserved, they're everyone's birthright. It does because your flaws, fears and biases – believe it or not – can often be sensed from your choice of words. And even if you don't recognize yourself in the rather unflattering labels I just listed, some people still might stick them to your forehead because of your wording ; that's especially true online, since words are the very first window others get to your soul. Think about it.

From my experience, these implicit « red flags » are particularly off-putting for people who :

x Never felt really low nor went through the same hardships as you did (aka the objectively « healthier » people) and thus can't bear the sight of any proof that life and people aren't all sunshine and rainbows – which is toxic in its own way but not necessarily ill-intentioned per se ; just sadly human. Some of my more fortunate middle/high school friends grew distant from me and my heavy mental health baggage for that reason.

x Conversely, did endure some depressing shit and/or grew up surrounded by demoralizing mentalities and chose to dismiss any bad vibes or traits following their trauma in a maladaptive way to cope with it ; which I've briefly been myself when transitioning from my « repellent » phase.

x Once embodied one (if not all 4) of these labels themselves, had to learn and outgrow that painful truth the hard way, and are now able to discern the « repellents » who are genuinely willing (and trying) to change their ways from those who live for ranting and bask in their misery ; the (almost) balanced state I'm proud to say I managed to attain ✨

x Are guilty of one or more of these flaws and just can't stand having them reflected back, for it forces them to confront their own shadow – which most people are just too oblivious or cowardly to do ; the type I personally came across most in my life... my own family being top of the list.

I'm getting to a point in my own recovery where I want to help the sad, bruised and lonely folks out there to start realizing how much power their thoughts, speech and attitude hold, because I know all too well how painful it is to feel transparent, like you only attract vampiric, self-absorbed assholes, or like no one gives a shit about you – and not understanding the fuck why.
At first glance, using such common words as « anyone » or « everyone » may seem harmless to you. You're probably even thinking :
« The more open I am, the less criteria and expectations I have, the more likely I am to meet diverse and interesting people »
... right ? And to an extent, you wouldn't be wrong. For that matter, there's nothing inherently harmful about most words, nor wrong with wishing to meet as many people as possible, either.But don't forget it also works the other way around.
The more indiscriminately open your energy field is, the less standards you have and boundaries you set, the more likely you are to attract draining, nasty and non-reciprocating people too, or paradoxically... no people at all.

Think of it that way : if you go to a restaurant and ask for « whatever », the waiter will either give you a perplexed look and more time to think it through, or they'll jump on the occasion to throw their daily special or most expensive dish at you.Does that mean you'll like it ? Maybe, if you're lucky enough. But maybe not. Imagine there're shrimps in it. Imagine you hate – no : you're allergic to shrimps ! And you paid 40 bucks for this ?! Err... Hell no !
(I love shrimps by the way, no offense to my shrimp lovers out there xD haha 🍤)

What I mean is that having a clear, healthy set of requirements and be mindful of who you grant access to your world isn't pickiness, snobbery or intolerance.It's self-awareness, discernment and protection.
So please, next time you're about to speak your mind – verbally or in writing – pause for a second and ask yourself :

I'm not saying you should curate every single word of yours to the point of sounding stiff or fake, far from it. Just to :

x Try paying attention to the ones that instinctively come to your mind or those you use on a daily basis, and what image they might project of you ;

x Train your brain to spot and reframe the self-deprecating, empty and/or ambiguous ones as constructively as possible ;

x Take conscious time to reread and edit before posting anything if you can, or take a quick step back before you speak to someone ;

x Practice choosing your words with more intention – especially when talking about important things... like who you are and want to surround yourself with.

With time, I promise you'll start seeing a huge difference in how people treat you, perceive you and connect with you.
All this to say that you ARE allowed to have standards as long as they're honest, realistic and respectful of yourself and others. Just remember that no amount of « whoever » will really fulfill you until you've learned how to fulfill yourself first and foremost. If you made it this far (congrats !) thank you dearly for taking time to read this little well-meaning – although a bit rambly x) – wall of text reflection of mine. I'm very grateful 💙Wishing you all the best and that someday – if you felt concerned by this post – your « anyone and everyone » gets revised into a more specific kind of « someone » suited just for you.

Much love, wandering soul 🌙

PS : English is NOT my native language, so please have mercy on my possibly awkward turns of phrase T_T haha Thank you :3

32 Kudos

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phenomena828	1764610084 this is all very true. thank you for this post. Report Comment
✮⋆˙ Lysandros	1764486759 I LOVED this post. I'm often open to anyone to talk to (exception: folks who are homophobic) and this is really... something to think about. Amazing post, worth reading!!! Report Comment
summereevelyn	1764480329 This is so good! I'm into Neville Goddard and Manifesting and wanting "anything" is a big no-no! Report Comment
flower	1764387232 I absolutely loved this post! Report Comment
MEGURI	1764261087 surprised i’m seeing this i am someone that just freely puts “anyone” but adding an extra boundary to not be mean i’ve come across this before, i remember putting everyone and i would be surrounded with people i didn’t like and being a hypocrite complaining about it i guess i stopped complaining afterwards ,, but here’s a part of this entry that really caught my interest “The more indiscriminately open your energy field is, the less standards you have and boundaries you set, the more likely you are to attract draining, nasty and non-reciprocating people too, or paradoxically... no people at all.” +kudos for the mention of energy fields we all have them!! yes, less boundaries are a magnet to people that hurt you. but from the way i try to deal with the downsides of others is to just endure (JUST AS LONG THEY AREN’T TOO TOXIC). if i , let’s say get out of my comfort zone just to accept that people will be people and that i don’t have a right to judge others, i won’t be so bitter to the world and i’ll actually make friends without whining about it. also, maybe i’m too much of a love freak but isn’t reaching for reciprocation selfish? (genuine question, it’s a hard coded belief of mine). i mean, the whole purpose of love is to give without receive, right? but i also know it’s to give love without receiving stabs to the heart, i just think that as long as the person isn’t violently attacking me after , as long as they’re just “ok” then it’s not a problem, people don’t owe me anything because they never asked for it is there anything wrong with my reasonings for just letting a door open to people? Report Comment
tent	1763920818 this is such an amazing post full of love, care, and experience. i appreciate your insight so much - someone with a shrimp allergy x) Report Comment
bosco	1763516803 Some of these points hit a bit too close to home for me. I don't mean to contradict but I feel that in some cases (and my case in particular) there's a need to protect one's feelings. Past trauma can leave trust issues sometimes. Report Comment