suffocating under pressure

i’m like a candle where the unmelted wax is enveloping the wick, extinguishing its flame. everything was going well and i was coling until a switch flipped and i’m no longer able to stay on top of piling schoolwork. 

i do the work (most of the time), and before the lesson its just that ‘submit’ button taunting me and the work i’ve completed; it could always be improved, there’s always something slightly off that i could fix- everytime i have an electronic assignment set that gives a mental block- i can’t bring myself to upload the evidence that the work was done. and worksheets are spedran 15 minutes beofre the lesson.

somehow im still passing the majority of my classes but i am definitely on borrowed time. no longer the disappointed looks and arguments from my parents works, the disdain in their eyes means nothing to me anymore. i just really badly want to give he fuck up and i have no idea when or why this started. help me. i need saving but i dont think i’m quite ready to be taken away from the damage this can cause- bith to me and my family. and i dont know who i can turn to because i’m not sure there’s someone in my life thats been in this position. 

shorter blog post of the week because i really ought to be in bed yet needed to let this out. if anyone’s got comfort or advise (or better yet, harsh criticisms), it is all widely appreciated and valued greatly. on a posiive note for the night i’ve got my winter ball tomorrow (today in 17 hours, trchnically) that’s organised by my school and i’m perfectly emo enough to be cool- like a perfect blend of afycso ryan ross and revenge era my chem. 

stay swag, emos <3 

-finneyfoxx out, xoxo ;3