Poem #10 - POISON OF LOVING IN CAPITAL

SORRY FOR ALWAYS SMELLING LIKE A CIGARETTES,
THERE IS NOTHINK MORE I WISH THAN TO BE LOVED,
SORRY THAT I ALWAYS LOVE YOU ONLY WHEN I AM DRUNK,
I WISH TO BE ABLE TO FEEL IN A TIME WHEN I CLEAR MY MIND.

SORRY FOR LOVING A VODKA MORE THAN MYSELF,
SORRY FOR ALREADY FAILING AT YOUNG AGE,
I CAN'T GET UP AS THE GUN'S TO MY HEAD UP,
THEY ARRESTED ME FOR NOTHING THAN MY CRIMES.

SORRY FOR ALWAYS COMING TO SEE YOU LATE,
I CAN'T STAND BEING A BURDEN OF TIME,
AS I AM ALREADY A BURDEN OF MATERIAL PRESENCE.
WOULD YOU BELIEVE IF I WOULD SAID THAT I AM ALWAYS EARLY,

SORRY FOR BEING UNABLE TO HATE ANY HUMAN BEING,
AS I CAN'T SEE MYSELF AS A ONE - I AM MORE UNWORTHY THAN ANYONE,
AND I KNOW SCUMS, HOMELESS, DRUG DEALERS EVEN PROSTITUTES,
ALL OF THEM WERE KIND TO ME UNLIKE MY DAD.

SORRY FOR ALWAYS MENTIONING HIM,
TALKING ABOUT MY FAMILY - ALL THE DEAD,
BUT THEY ALWAYS SAY THAT FAMILY IS MORE THAN ME,
I MUST OBEY THEM - TO BE A SLAVE TO THE SINS OF BLOOD.

SORRY I NEVER FELT AS A PERSON MYSELF,
MERELY A CONCEPT INSIDE OF MY OWN HEAD,
SO MATURE AND WELL-BEHAVED CHILD I WAS BACK THEN,
UNTIL I REALIZED THAT I WON'T GET SECOND CHANCE FOR CHILDHOOD.

SORRY FOR NEVER TELLING THANKS,
THEY DIDN'T TAUGHT ME TO WORK FOR PRAISE - ONLY TO NOT BE BEATEN,
SORRY FOR NEVER BEING A GOOD LOVER,
I FAILED AT MIMICKING THE ACT OF A HUMAN.

SORRY FOR BEING A DISGUSTING PIECE OF SHIT,
JUST PATHETIC WHINER FOR A DEATH,
BUT I AM A COWARED DEEPLY AT HEART,
AND TELLING PEOPLE THAT I WANT TO DIE FOR THEIR GOOD IS BEST I CAN.

I AM SORRY ALWAYS JUST SORRY,
I TRIED TO GET BETTER TRULLY BELIEVE ME,
BUT THEY NEVER LET ME TO EVEN REST PROPERLY...

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