rants of a trans fem guy

does any trans fem boys like to imagine fully cis female characters as guys doing their own version of self expression to cope?

like idk I relate to some magical or school girl characters protrayed in anime because they're so cutesy !!like in the way I am or wanna be sometimes

or other times I look at total dumbasses like denji and I just envy them

like I LOVE my favorite girl idol groups like Newjeans, xg and ILLIT especially (I dont head canon them btw)

but when I see cortis being boys

I JUST HELP BUT FEEL ENVIOUSSSSS

like at first I convinced myself "hohohoho! I don't wish for a boy childhood! I've always had one! ive always been an adventurous kid growing up! I wasn't afraid to get dirty and I wasn't afraid to go toe to toe with boys my age!" 

okay maybe I WAS JUST COPING

and maybe I was just TRYING to convince my self

maybe all I was really missing was that brother hood guys growing up always had

but something I never felt apart of simply because of what I was born with

AND ITS SO PAINFULLY obvious LIKE there were times when other guys would joke with each other, or like jokingly flirt with each other in an ironic way and I'd find myself nearly copying them

but I'd cut myself off when I realized it'd sound different coming from me

and the fact that I HAVE to do that just to be [erceived as normal and accepting is SO AGGRAVATING TO ME

I just wanna pass and be one of the boys 

and just melt into group and just EXIST ARGHHHH

LIKE LOOOK this is literally me 

but at the same time I lowkey be feeling like this on the inside

I feel like denji's the perfect example because hes just stupid and impulse driven in a way im not allowed to be..sigh