#18. strangers

heh.. im typing from my laptop today.. i usually only use my laptop for zoom meetings. i like how clicky the keyboard of my laptop is. it has a nice feeling. i also like doing work from my bed its comfortable

today i got food with my grandparents and we went to the book store. i didnt end up getting anything because i was feeling kind of sick and didnt feel like browsing which makes me sad because i love love love the bookstore. it was really crowded and stressful today, maybe tied to the holiday season. i was gonna look at the manga section (i say section but its literally just one tiny shelf in the very back) but i got too anxious and didnt. there was already someone there too and for us to both look would have been too close proximity and so i just gave up. next time though i swear!

it got me thinking about strangers. a lot of times i find myself picturing how many friends i miss out on. every time i see a really pretty person or someone with an interesting outfit or someone with a pin on their bag i recognize or holding a book i like i wonder after what would happen if i had gone up to them? its not something i consider in the moment and if i do it wouldnt ever be something id actually do. but think about all the possibilities that ive passed? what ive already been 2 feet away from the love of my life or something and ive missed out on the relationship of a lifetime just by chance? thats funny to think about. ill make up stories sometimes about people ive found interesting, creating images of what kind of person they could be without even knowing their name. maybe im lonely? but it doesnt feel weird or sad for me. sonder is a concept i revisit a lot and its pretty comforting to me. maybe ill write something like my limerence post about it sometime

my friend invited me to see the part 2 of the wicked movie tomorrow and i felt bad saying no but like i mentioned i havent been feeling well so sighh. i miss hanging out with my friends and realized i kind of took being at school for granted? i dont think thats the right expression but i mean i didnt think about how going outside and getting to see my friends becomes a lot different and more intentional when youre not required to

im going to start looking at what college dual enrollment classes im gonna take. not exactly sure how it works, if i would start during the school year or over summer or next year or what but im sure i could choose. college sounds like a lot of fun to me. i do better in self guided stuff anyways rather than being overly guided. i just want to start over with my schoolwork at this point and i cant wait for a new semester with new online classes. ill apparently still have to meet with the IS director over zoom once a week which is fine i guess. makes sense but i doubt ill get off track again. its cool cause its my chemistry teacher from last year and i like her. i think she liked me too (i hope so) but i couldnt really tell. she definitely didnt dislike me so thats good

anyways thats all for today! im gonna go do some more work. i was a bit lazy this break but i dont mind im glad i got time off because i was feeling overwhelmed. just 3 weeks of the semester left. lord nikon.. OUT!!!!!!!!