i dont miss the past, but i think i miss the feeling

im thankful for music and love. Thanksgiving went Ok.

now that ive gotten that out, i can do my daily scheduled vent.

feeling extremely nostalgic for the 2000s/2010s. i know its stupid but i genuinely cant help but get a pit in my stomach from the thought of how much i missed out on from middle school to now. no parties, no outings, I barely got to hang out with people at all. but my sister sure was able to :/ my Younger sister. thats another post in itself. i had such weird, lonely teenage years irl. :(

i was always the weird, slightly off putting, 'aggressive' (i was just blunt. im autistic.) quiet 'friend'. i use the word lightly. nobody actually bothered to invite me anywhere but theyd talk about it all the time. or whenever i was invited, my mom would refuse it because she had a huge distrust for other people handling us. which i guess is good to be cautious, but with how she was simultaneously sheltering us... i think this also had a huge hand in my paranoia for hanging out with anyone ever, thinking something terrible will happen to me if I did. lovely.

All I had was the internet. Which i should not have had such easy access to as a child. :/ i wish my childhood had been different. oh well

i will just project my love for the 2000s/10s onto original characters and doomscroll through nostalgic reels. all i can do now.